


The Chronic Pain Diaries

by theIronStark3000



Series: Obi-Wan Kenobi Whump Collective [1]
Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Ahsoka Tano Didn't Leave the Jedi Order, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anakin Skywalker Doesn't Turn to the Dark Side, Anakin Skywalker Needs a Hug, Chronic Pain, Drug Abuse, Drunk Obi-Wan Kenobi, F/M, Headaches & Migraines, Human Disaster Anakin Skywalker, Hurt Obi-Wan Kenobi, Hurt/Comfort, Medical Trauma, Minor Obi-Wan Kenobi/Satine Kryze, Obi-Wan Has Chronic Pain, Obi-Wan Kenobi Gets a Hug, Obi-Wan Kenobi is a Mess, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Ahsoka Tano, Protective Anakin Skywalker, Sickfic, Team as Family, Whump
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:48:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 22,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25630834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theIronStark3000/pseuds/theIronStark3000
Summary: Things change after Zigoola and the Rako Hardeen  mission as Obi-Wan's friends and loved ones begin to notice his chronic pain. When something traumatic happens, you find not everything heals as Master Obi-Wan Kenobi soon discovers.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi/Satine Kryze
Series: Obi-Wan Kenobi Whump Collective [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1889335
Comments: 32
Kudos: 226





	1. Discovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anakin discovers Obi-Wan has been concealing his chronic pain.

Unknown to his Padawans, the 212th, and the Order, Obi-Wan has good pain days and bad pain ones, today isn’t great. Lately, Kenobi is quiet, much quieter than Anakin remembers. There is a smile on his lips, but it doesn’t quite reach his Master's eyes. Anakin presses against Obi-Wan's shields, he finds the General's shields are pulled tight like he’s erected a wall between them.

To most people, Obi-Wan might appear to be fine: quiet, tranquil, and every bit the poster boy Jedi they expect him to be. But the silence, the distance, and his frown speaks to the wrongness of it all. He isn't nearly as sarcastic and witty today. Their bond felt stilted, muted, not nearly as bright and warm as it usually is. Anakin worried about the weight Obi-Wan carried.  
  


Ever since he was was a youngling, Obi-Wan has dealt with chronic headaches. But something changed after his escape from Zigoola: the exhaustion, the war, the lack of self-care, feeling unsettled, and his inability to find his center when mediating. His headaches had gotten so much worse. Even when Obi-Wan was younger, the healers had no solution. He avoids the healers for fear they'd discover how persist and painful his headaches continue to be.

Obi-Wan's occasional headaches are almost a daily occurrence now. At one time, his pain level was manageable enough he learned to live with his pain, but stress of the war and lack of self-care aggravates his condition. Obi-Wan has always been quiet about his health. He doesn't like doctors, attention nor worrying. Judging by his pinched look on his face and fingers rubbing at the bridge of his nose, he has a headache.

The Master and former Padawan sit by side by side in the Council chamber for their mission briefing at the Temple. Anakin observes the vein in Obi-Wan forehead become strained and pinched, he looks awfully pale. Obi-Wan feels nauseated, and the bright lights of the Council's chambers are too bright for his sensitive eyes. The room around him spins, and he closes his eyes, still listening.

To an outside observer, Obi-Wan is simple mediating in the Force and attentive listening. It takes everything Obi-Wan has to shield himself, and release some of his pain into the Force. It does not quell his nausea or pain, but it is a bit more tolerable. 

Skywalker chose to wait until they left their mission debrief with the Council to say a word, knowing embarrassing Obi-Wan would only make him more likely to become skittish and run away. Though he had become ever tempted to interrupted the debrief to send Obi-Wan to their quarters to rest. In hindsight, Anakin cannot recall receiving a medical report on General Kenobi's condition in the mission debriefs. 

"Have you seen the healers, Master?"

"It is not necessary, Padawan-mine."

"Obi-Wan, you do not look well."

"I am in need of a shower, a nap, and something to eat. You know how draining missions can be.", Obi-Wan deflects. 

Anakin realizes has no idea what state Obi-Wan's body is currently in. When the younger Jedi tries to gauge how badly Obi-Wan feels, he is surprised by how incredibly tight the man's shields are. Obi-Wan lets him in enough to gauge the pain that radiates off him in waves. It's enough to make Anakin's stomach turns, he eyes Obi-Wan's ram rod straight posture. Anakin has a sinking suspension that Obi-Wan is withholding just how deep his hurt is and how exceptional his shielding skills are.

Anakin is overwhelmed with the super nova brightness of the pain Obi-Wan feels when his Master's shields slip for just a moment. Obi-Wan's eyes widen when he senses Anakin's concern and panic. Obi-Wan can feel others in the Temple searching for the source of such a strong release of emotion into the Force. He is very thankfully, they are in an empty hallway away from concerned, wondering eyes.

Thank the Force the walk from the Council's chamber and their quarters is a short one. Anakin watches as Obi-Wan bolts to the refresher and slams the door behind him. Obi-Wan's heart rate quickens as he fights the nausea roiling in his gut. He barely makes it back to his shared quarters before vomiting in the 'fresher sink, clinging to the edges of the vanity as his knuckles turn white.

Tears prick at his eyes as his stomach contents are forcefully expelled from his body. He can hear Anakin's knock at the door, "Master, please let me help you." 

"Go away.", Obi-Wan coughs hoarsely. He gags, retching again.

Anakin loudly fumbles with the holopad controls and find a way to open the door. He kneels beside Obi-Wan, Anakin can feel his Master’s jump when he touches his shoulder. Obi-Wan wipes his mouth on his sleeve. 

”I’m not going to hurt you.”

”I can get by on my own.”, Obi-Wan’s defenses are fortified by sheer stubbornness and spite alone. Anakin can’t feel the pain and nausea Obi-Wan loudly radiated, feeling nothing but an all too familiar facade of tranquility.

”The thing is you don’t have to, Obi-Wan.”

Anakin backs off and gives Obi-Wan a wide berth. He watches his master tiredly rest his head against the wall. Obi-Wan closes his eyes, the light hurts his eyes, Anakin realizes making the room dark. He can see the tension in Obi-Wan’s shoulders melt away almost instantly. The exhausted Jedi Master slumps against the wall. Anakin isn’t sure the last time his former master ate, drank, showered and slept. He feels the weight of sadness, frustration and despair that his Master carries when Anakin brushes his hand against his Master’s forehead. No fever, he thinks to himself.   
  


Anakin decided the first order of business is a change of clean clothes. He helped Obi-Wan down the wall to his bedroom. It took them both to undress the older man. The younger man examines Obi-Wan’s injuries cataloging cuts, bruises, and wounds at various stages of healing. Thank the Force, Obi-Wan keeps a small medikit under the sink. Anakin places bacta on the worst, and most recent injuries. Once he is finished, Anakin hands Obi-Wan a sleep tunic and leggings. 

Obi-Wan turns green again, but doesn’t vomit. Anakin makes a note to keep a rubbish bin in reach. He leaves Obi-Wan long enough for find a wet wash cloth and a bowl. After Obi-Wan swallows two pain pills, Anakin helps Obi-Wan lay back in bed and places a wet wash cloth over his eyes. The younger man does not leave his side, finding a chair to place next to Obi-Wan's bed. In a few hours,he’ll wake his master and coax him to eat some broth.   
  


Anakin knows in the morning Obi-Wan will need to see the healers, or else, he fears such recklessness for one’s health will land his Master in an early grave. Headaches aren't fatal, but such blatant lack of concern for one's health is. Obi-Wan often throws himself into dangerous situations with little care or concern for his own body.


	2. Discovery

Ahsoka went looking for Anakin when he did not show for their morning training session. She knocked on Obi-Wan and Anakin's shared quarters, and was surprised when Anakin refused to open the door all the way. She looked at how tired he looked, his clothes slept in and wrinkled. The young Padawan wondered if her Master slept at all the night before. It wasn't like Anakin to miss a sparing session. 

"Anakin?"

"Shhh. Keep your voice down, Snips."

"You're late, Skyguy."

"I'm sorry, Snips. I promise to make it up to you."

"You're keeping something from me.", Ahsoka probed their training bond, Anakin shielded her. Regardless, she could see how tired he was and the concern that bled onto his face. He was never as good as Master Obi-Wan about shielding his emotions. 

"Please come in, I'll explain everything." 

Ahsoka relents, allowing Anakin to open the front door. They stand in the living room, and Anakin whispers, looking back at Obi-Wan's closed bedroom door worriedly. 

"Is Master Obi-Wan okay?"

"He's not feeling well. " 

"Did he see the healers before we landed yesterday?"

"I don't think so. You know how he is, always avoiding medical help."

"From what Rex said, Obi-Wan wasn't doing so hot while they were on Zigoola." , concern bled into Ahsoka's voice. They both were worried about Obi-Wan, he's everything, the one who keeps their little family grounded. 

Anakin walked with Ahsoka down the hall, "Keep your shields tight, Snips."

Obi-Wan's condition had worsened overnight. He wasn't speaking anymore, at one time he had shouted. Now, he can barely moan and grunt in pain. Anakin knows Kenobi didn't sleep much last night, tossing and turning restlessly. Anakin and Ahsoka frowned at the sight of tears in Obi-Wan's dull eyes. His breathing was labored, he moaned hoarsely. He was curled tightly knee to chest, laying on his right side. Nothing about the way he held his body looked in the slightest comfortable. He held himself like he was live wire afraid of being blow to bits.

"Hold on, Master. We're going to get you some help."

* * *

Anakin _knew_ it was bad if Obi-Wan didn't fight them walking him the med bay. Ahsoka and Anakin were positioned on either side of Obi-Wan, his arms were draped over their shoulders. He reached out through the force to send pulsations of calm, reassurance and affection through their bond. Obi-Wan's entire demeanor changed when they arrived, he tightened his grip on Anakin. Anakin could sense his _Fear-panic-hesitancy-_ _anxiety._ Obi-Wan's heart races and breathing quickens. He looks pale like he might throw up again.

Vokara Che's lip curled with concern as she saw the Disaster Trio approach. She was quiet, asking Padawans to move along any bystanders. Master Che knew how private of a person Master Obi-Wan Kenobi was. She pages her assistant, there are few people who are aware of Kenobi's medical trauma. She gently helps Anakin and Ahsoka sit Obi-Wan onto a stretcher, guiding him from a sitting to laying down. 

"Skywalker, I want you to hold his hand, keep him grounded.", Master Che ordered, helping Ahsoka, Anakin, and her assistance move the stretcher down the hallway. They don't move too quickly, buying a few seconds for Obi-Wan to calm and steady himself as he listens to Anakin's voice.   
  


Anakin tells Ahsoka, maybe she should wait outside. But Obi-Wan fervent tug on his hand reassured him she is welcome to stay.

”You got it, Master. We’re not going anywhere.”

Obi-Wan fights against Vokara Che's attempt to place an IV. He squirms, visibly afraid of being stuck with a needle. The Jedi Master squeezes his eyes shut, the quiet tears roll down his cheek. It breaks Anakin's heart to see him upset, but knows they're doing the right thing. Anakin and Ahsoka reach out through their force connection, and try to ground him. He tiredly reaches back out.

"It's okay, Master Kenobi. I'm going to clean your arm with an cotton ball, stick you with a needle and place an IV line. We need to get fluids started, and some pain relief. Can you squeeze my hand twice for yes, one for no?", Vokara Che's voice is sympathetic, smoothing and calm.

Obi-Wan's hands shake, but his left hand squeezes the healer's hands twice. He takes a steadying breath, and Master Che narrates the process of using her finger to find the vein, cleaning the area, stretching the skin, and preparing him for the brief sharp scratch. She pauses reminding them both to breath together. Obi-Wan's eyes never leave the needle. The healer progresses progress the entire cannula, fixes the needle, and advances the reminder of cannula into the vein.

  
Master Che disposes of the needle and applies dressing to the cannula. She prepares a syringe with saline and flush it through the cannula to check the placement before connecting an IV drip of fluids. 

"It might feel a bit cold. I'm going to run some fluids.", Vokara Che started his saline drip, "There all done." She asked her assistant to turn the lights off noticing the flashes of pain in Obi-Wan's eyes. She was even kind of enough to blanket Obi-Wan with a fresh, warm blanket from the warmer. She knows how nervous he is about being in the medical bay. 

Vokara Che runs an initial diagnostic with the Force, not even touching Obi-Wan. She frowns, her patient is in an incredibly amount of pain. She identifies the source of his pain in his head and upper neck. She suspects he is having an awful headache, but needs to rule out other neurological conditions. 

In the meantime, Master Che administered anti-nausea meds, fluids, and a strong dose of pain medication. Obi-Wan is eventually is able to relax enough to sleep thanks to the medicine. Ahsoka and Anakin do not leave his side.


	3. Discovery

Anakin was relived they were able to sedate Obi-Wan for his imaging scans and EEG. Master Che ruled out a stroke, seizures and aneurysms. Until Obi-Wan was able to give a more complete headache history, she couldn’t do much but try to manage his pain. Thankfully, the Jedi Master was able to get some much needed sleep. Anakin wasn't sure if it wasn't for the trip to the Healing Hall if Obi-Wan would ever rest.

  
  
He took turns showering, eating and changing clothes with Ashoka. Being Obi-Wan’s next of kin, Anakin felt responsible to be present for any decision making.. Anakin was glad to be at his Master’s bedside when he woke. It wasn't unusual for Obi-Wan to neglect his body, mind and spirit until he collapsed with exhaustion.Nor was Master Che surprised by the amount of sleep Obi-Wan required during his visit. The pain meds also made him incredibly drowsy, one of many reasons the Jedi Master hated taking pain killers. 

Obi-Wan was disoriented when he woke, “W-what happened?”

”Do you remember going to the healing hall?”

”Vaguely.”

”Ahsoka and I brought you to the medbay.”

”Head still hurts.”

”Master Che wants to try prescribing pain meds.”

”Don’t like the way they make me feel.”

”How about some water?”

”Please.”

Anakin uses the clicker to gently raise Obi-Wan’s bed to a sitting position. He holds Obi’s head and helps him get a drink. Obi-Wan could've drank an entire gallon of water if Anakin had let him. He is content to accept a cup of ice chips when Anakin said he had drank enough for now.

He tries to distract Obi-Wan by reading the man's holonovel to him, and coax him into knitting again. Obi-Wan never did well in the Healing Hall without some sort of entertainment. Though, Obi-Wan is far too tired to be bored for long. The Jedi Master feel asleep with his knitting in hand as Anakin read to him. Obi-Wan slept until lunch time, so tired and drained he couldn't fight sleep.  
  


A Healer Padawan brings the Jedi Master a trey for lunch: a cup of broth, ginger tea, toast and jello. By some miracle, Obi-Wan manages to eat most of his lunch. And he even takes a nap. Master Che even let him visit the Room of a Thousand Fountains as a reward for good behavior. He seemed much more relaxed after grounding himself in mediation. Though, he prefers not to mediate with his anxious, never stops moving former Padawan. He does thank the Force he only mediated with Anakin. Meditations with both Anakin and Ahsoka are much more disruptive. 

* * *

Anakin is relieved. His master looks leaps and bounds better after 48 hours in the healing halls. Once Master Che is content that Obi-Wan’s pain is managed with medicine, she released him into Anakin‘s care and notifies the Council of the Trio’s temporary medial leave. Obi-Wan was quite thankful for the privacy. Many send their well wishes, cards and flowers. But he hadn’t felt up to visitors yet. 

Obi-Wan still isn’t feeling great when Master Che releases him to continue recovering at home. His headache is a dull trob at the base of his neck. He is mostly feeling drained like he could sleep for a week, Though, with the war raging outside the Temple it's doubtful Obi-Wan will even get a chance.

He is thankful for the hot shower the clean set of clothes Anakin brought him. Obi-Wan dresses in the outer tunic, leggings and a beige sweater. with his polished brown boots He looked soft, and comfortable in his clothes. Anakin awaits outside the hospital room for Obi-Wan to appear dressed and ready to leave. He is relieved his Master is walking out of the Healing Hall on his own two feet. He probes their shared bond, Obi-Wan has his shields pulled tight, though they're still flimsy and exhausted.

Even in Obi-Wan's current state, Anakin knows he can only scratch the surface of the Obi-Wan's vast reservoir of feelings. The former Master-Padawan duo walk quietly through the hallway. Anakin helps shield Obi-Wan when the overwhelming presences of every sentient being in the Temple is too much. Obi-Wan can’t heard their words, but picks up on their feelings. People are glad to see him up and about. There are gentle whispers of concern and care.

The thought of being so loved and cared for makes Obi-Wan's cheeks burn bright red with embarrassment. If Anakin thought his Master wouldn't punch in him the arm, he'd laugh at the sight of Master's reddening cheeks. Part of Anakin is concerned that Obi-Wan doesn't realize how loved and cherished he is.  
  


Ahsoka is waiting for them. She has a cup of tea, warm blanket and wet wash cloth ready for her Grandmaster. Anakin coaxes Obi-Wan to lay on the couch. Obi-Wan struggles to kick off his boots.He can feel the overwhelming concern his padawans have. Obi-Wan indulges the pair, allowing them to care for him. The Jedi Master slips his tea quietly as Anakin drapes the warm blanket around him. 

Obi-Wan is incredibly tactile in his tired state, wrapping himself around Anakin like a cuddly octopus. Anakin indulges his master and reminds him to drink his tea. Obi-Wan slips his Jasmine tea, the kind Qui-Gon would've made him when he was sick or afraid. When he has finished his tea, Anakin helps Obi-Wan to lie down, placing the heating pad against his achy side. Ever since Qui-Gon died, Obi-Wan has felt this awful pain in his gut, whether a residue from a severed bond or psychosomatic, the Jedi Master does not know. 

The tired Jedi doesn't know how his padawans know about Qui-Gon tea. Little did he know Qui-Gon taught Anakin the tip about the tea. And Anakin taught Ahsoka. Jasmine was not Obi-Wan’s favorite, he only took it when sick or afraid. 

Obi-Wan allows Ahsoka to place the wet wash cloth on his forehead. He's almost asleep when the padawans close the blinds, and turn Qui-Gon's recorder player. For a moment, it feels like Obi-Wan is transported by in time. He is wrapped in the knit blanket that draped the back of the Jinn-Kenobi apartment for years. It almost feels as if his Master could stride down the hall, and his giant, warm hands could enfold Obi-Wan into a hug again.

Some days, Obi-Wan misses Qui-Gon Jinn as if he was missing a limb.The phantom pains twinge in his side, and he tries to hold onto a warm memory of what it would be like to be held by his Master. 

Ahsoka and Anakin look at each other, concern in their eyes. 

"Was he always like this?", Ahsoka's voice breaks, feeling for a moment the pang of grief and longing Obi-Wan craves.

"I still remember how sad and lost he was when Qui-Gon died." Anakin frowns, _Obi-Wan hides himself from me_ , the Jedi Knight thinks to himself.

"It would be awful to watch one's Master die." 

"It would be enough to destroy a person, Snips." 

"Would you tell me stories about Master Qui-Gon Jinn?"

"Of course, though Obi-Wan tells the best stories." 

"Do you think he'd be willing to tell them?'

"Yes, I do, Snips. Wait for him to wake. Then we'll tell stories to you about Qui-Gon."

The padawan and Knight pair have no idea that the Council will soon ask Obi-Wan to deceive them into believing their beloved Master is dead. 


	4. Vulnerability

As anticipated, the Council does not give Obi-Wan much time to recuperate before spending him back to the war front. They feel the few days they gave him are enough. Master Plo Koon had know Obi-Wan Kenobi since he was a wee toddler in the Crèche. Obi-Wan’s shielding is immaculate, perhaps second to Master Yoda himself. To a causal observer, Obi-Wan may appear centered, tranquil, ever bit as calm and level headed as a Jedi Master should be.   
  


Even Obi-Wan Kenobi, the great _Negotiator_ has a tell. Master Plo had almost missed it himself, though, he remembered the words of his late, beloved friend Master Qui-Gon Jinn. _Look at his lip, Plo_. _People are so enamored with the boy they misread his tell as flirtatious. His lip gives him away, someday someone is going to figure that out!_  
  


Obi-Wan Kenobi bites his lip when he’s reached a point in a conversation that’s unsure he can talk his way out of. It doesn’t happen every often, _and_ sometimes Obi-Wan loses. And there is anything he does not like- it is losing. It is not very Jedi of him. 

The Jedi Master knows the Council is not likely to deny a request from the Supreme Counselor. Master Plo probes Obi-Wan’s mind, finding his efforts deflected. Nevertheless, he can tell that Obi-Wan was exhausted. They ask so much of that man, sometimes too, Masted Plo thinks. Obi-Wan was still recovering from his recent trip to the Healing Hall. Yet they were asking him to return to the fight.   
  


Master Plo asks for a recess. He can tell the tense lines in Obi-Wan shoulders relax and the Jedi Master steps into the hall. The older man watches him from afar, Obi-Wan’s hands are shaking, the Jedi Master thinks he’s alone.Master Plo can see the tears in Obi-Wan’s eyes, he’s tired, pressing his hand against his achy side. Obi-Wan feels the gentle throb of a headache blooming at the base of his neck. 

_“This will destroy his trust in me._ ”, Obi-Wan whispers to himself, thinking of Anakin.   
  


Master Plo makes himself known, not wanting to spook the Jedi Master.   
  


“It’s quite a dilemma you find yourself facing, young one."

”Couldn't they ask someone else, Plo?”, Obi-Wan’s voice wobbles.   
  


  
“Palpaptine asked for you specifically.”

”I know what it’s like to hold your Master when he’s dying.” _I never wanted that for Ahsoka and Anakin._

"You have your orders, Master Kenobi.” Master Plo badly wishes he didn’t have to be the stern Councilor in this moment. He fights the urge to reach out to Obi-Wan. The kind, older Master knows that Qui-Gon would’ve walked into the chambers and denied the request. Masters Plo and Kenobi are not Quin-Gon Jinn. When the brief recess is over, Obi-Wan returns to his place in the center of the council room. He bites his lip a second time, and bows his head in apology for needing a moment to gather his thought.   
  
  


“The success of this mission is dependent on the sincerity of Knight Skywalker’s reaction to Kenobi’s death.”, Windu meets Obi-Wan's eyes.

“I still believe he should be read into the situation.", Obi-Wan's voice is steady, trying to not allow his concern bleed through. The Council will only see this as an attachment to his former Padawan. 

  
“Acknowledge that we do.”, Master Yoda announced.

”Personally, I feel it is not wise to deceive Anakin. His faith in this Order is already shaken. Breaking our sacred trust may be the final straw.”   
  


  
“For the record, we will note your hesitance.”, Master Plo nods.

”Missions and codes are cold comforts when you experience something as horrible as holding your Master while he dies.”, the passion, care and concern slip out of Obi-Wan's lips. He cares greatly for Ahsoka and Anakin. 

”You have your mission, and he’ll have to understand that.”, Windu reminds Obi-Wan firmly.

“You are making a grave mistake.” _Anakin will not understand._

“Dismissed you are.”, Master Yoda said with finality. Obi-Wan is given the suppressor and vest. He is scolded for his attachment to Anakin and Ahsoka. The Jedi Master anticipates further punishment upon completion of the mission.  
  


“I will do what I must.”

Master Plo steps into the hall away and helps Obi-Wan with the vest. The Jedi Master’s hands are shaking too badly to put on the vest. They rest in each other’s Force presence.   
  


“ _I’m sorry, Obi-Wan._ ”, Master Plo whispers over their Force connection.

_”I held Qui-Gon in my arms as he took his final breath. It still haunts me all these years.”_

_“Qui-Gon would be disappointed in the Council for asking this of you.”_

_”They ask too much of me, Plo.”_

_“You can this, Obi-Wan. The fate of the universe is in your hands.”_

_”Understood. Give this to Anakin and Ahsoka for me.”, Obi-Wan hands Master Plo a brown envelop._   
  


_“You can do this, Obi-Wan.”_

_”I know.”_ The unspoken words hang heavily between Masters Plo and Kenobi: _I wish I didn't have to._

Obi-Wan rearranges his cloak, and swallows the suppressor. He takes a centering breath. The Jedi Master wants to throw up. He walks down the hall to meet Anakin and Ahsoka. He hugs them both one more time. He fights the urge to gather his disaster children and take them far, far away from here. 

Anakin cocks an eyebrow, “You okay Master?”

”Just achey. Council meetings give me a headache.”

”Let’s get out of here.”

Obj-Wan begins following the mission strip walking down the runaway knowing in a few moments he will be temporarily dead to the world. God, he hates the Council sometimes. 


	5. Vulnerability

Obi-Wan walks down the runaway with his Padawans at his side. He can sense the impatience bubbling underneath Anakin's skin. He tries to keep himself calm and centered, the perfect picture of calm. It's hard to be calm when every urge within you wants to run. How does walk one so calmly into the face of their own death? Even if it's just temporary, Obi-Wan is well aware of the pain of holding one's dying Master is.  
  


It feels like betrayal, yet obedience to the mission, to the code, to the order is what the Jedi ask of Obi-Wan. He knows he struggles with attachment, his love for friends and family like Satine, Qui-Gon, Siri, Anakin, Ahsoka, and his men will all cause others to hurt him, to _break_ him. 

"What's the big rush, Obi-Wan?"

"The Jedi Council called an emergency meeting."

  
"I can see it now. Another long, boring debate."

"Would you rather they call you in to train younglings?"

"Are you crazy?"

"Isn't a little soon, Master for you to be away on missions?", Ahsoka asks Obi-Wan.

"My pain is chronic, little one. There is no cure. Nothing my medication can't manage to a tolerable level.", Obi-Wan lies, knowing quite well he won't have access to his medication while undercover as Rako Hardeen. He will have to rely on the Force to sustain him and hope his body doesn't fall apart until he's home again. 

  
"I just wish they'd given you a few more days to rest."

"The war stops for no one, little one."

Obi-Wan hears the first blasters shots. He scatters, scrambling for cover. His body aches in protest his quick movements. Anakin and Ahoksa are together for now, good Obi-Wan thinks to himself. His heart races loudly, he knows they won't be together when Ahsoka finds his battered body. 

"Any idea where that shot came from?"

"A sniper. I see him up there."

"All right, here's the plan." Obi-Wan takes a breath. 

"Anakin, you flank him on the right. Ahsoka, you cover the lower streets. I'm going after him." The trio draws their light sabers, and Obi-Wan leds the way. Anakin watches in horor as his his Master narrowly doges a blaster blast. They're all three in pursuit, Obi-Wan ducks preparing himself for the fateful moment 

"I lost him.", Anakin pants over the comm link, "Obi-Wan, do you have anything?" 

Obi-Wan closes his eyes, focusing on a image in the Force that has brought him comfort since he was child. He thinks of playing on the beach one warm summer day with Qui-Gon, they laugh and run through the water. He releases any stray thoughts and clears his mind. When Obi-Wan opens his eyes, he is ready. He turns leaving his back exposed to the sniper, the Jedi Master shouts painfully as the shot pierces through his upper back and shoulder. Despite the vest, it still hurts something awful, and as Obi-Wan falls to the lower street level he anticipates the impact.

"Ah.", Obi-Wan cries out, falling off the upper levels and landing onto the trash bins below. His vision darkens, pain surging through his body, it feels like every nerve ending in his body is on fire. Ahsoka watches in horror as her Grand Master lands onto the pavement. 

"Obi-Wan!", Anakin shouts. 

"I got him, go.", Ahsoka calls out. 

Anakin pursues the shooter, while Ahsoka turns her attention to Obi-Wan. Ahsoka holds the broken, limp body of her Grand Master, his breaths grow swallow and his pulse fading. Tears fill her eyes as she feels the life force leave his body. They're too late. They can't save Obi-Wan. 

"How is he?", Anakin's voice breaks. 

"He's gone, Ani." 

"Obi-Wan?! Obi-Wan?!", Anakin pleads with him, trying to get his Master to open those beautiful blue eyes. He watches the unusual stillness of his Master's body, the blue twinge to his lips. He knows his Master will never again open his eyes.

Master Che pronounces Obi-Wan Kenboi dead upon arrival to the Temple. The temple mourns the loss of a beautiful soul. Anakin feels empty, he is afraid of being alone, of losing other people. Obi-Wan promised he would never leave Anakin alone. Obi-Wan lied. Anakin feels the darkness within him grow, it has always been there. But now, he fears there may be no one to lead him back to the light. The Council moves swiftly to hold a memorial service, Anakin and Ahsoka are still expected to report on their assigned mission. 

"I'm worried about Anakin.", Ahsoka whispers to Master Plo., "He hasn't said a word since it happened."

"Thank you letting me know, child. Please give this to him.", Master Plo hands Ahsoka the brown envelop Obi-Wan gave him hours before. Master Plo can see how troubled Anakin looks, he's never been great at shielding or processing his feelings. He fears Obi-Wan had been right all along about this mission being too much. 

* * *

"Having second thoughts, Master Yoda?", Mace Windu asks as they prepare to meet with Obi-Wan 

"Hmm. Heading down a dark path, we are."

  
"We talked about this. Killing a Jedi was the best move we had."

"Hmm."

They walk together down to the cubicle where Obi-Wan is being looked over by the healing droid. Master Yoda thinks he looks tired, he can see Obi-Wan's lips pressed into a subtle frown. He watches as the man shields himself, and puts on that all too familiar affront of calm. It's nearly too well hidden to notice, but Master Yoda thinks Obi-Wan is still experiencing pain. 

"So how was my funeral?", Obi-Wan deflects. _The young one relies on his humor to distract us from his true feelings,_ Master Yoda thinks to himself. 

"A better performance than you, your corpse gave."

"Whatever do you mean. I fell from the top of a building. I could've killed myself." 

"Survived worse, you have. Young Skywalker knows this."

"I took the vitals suppressor as instructed. I was dead to the world when Anakin moved by body. There is no way he could know I was alive."

"Not know, but sense he will that something is not right."

  
"As the Council said, keeping Anakin on the outside was critical." 

"Concerns you had, young one.", Master Yoda reminded. 

"What's done is done. We need to get your transformation underway."

Obi-Wan under goes the process of transformation. He watches as the droid cuts his hair and shaves his face. They're working with a clean slate now. He asks for information pertaining to this mission to distract himself. 

"Facial transformation program loaded." 

Obi-Wan lies back on the examination table. His body tenses for a moment as he lies back, the droid approaches and holds his head still. The Jedi Master takes a centering breath, he really hates medical procedures. He tries to focus on the ceiling as the massive needle is injected into his neck. He gasps softly in discomfort feeling the software mold and shape his face. He shouts, groaning and shouting in pain as his body convulses against the bed. His entire body is overwhelmed by another wave a pain. 

He squirms loose of Mace's gentle grip on his body, Obi-Wan holds his head. It feels worse than any headache or migraine he's experienced. Obi-Wan pants, taking a deep breath as he sits up, his head still cradled gently in his hands. He breathes heavily as the residue of pain spikes and fades away. The Jedi Master remove his hands from his face, and turns to look at Windu's concerned face. There is work to do be done, Obi-Wan reminds the Jedi Master. 


	6. Vulnerability

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Early update for August 4th.

Ahsoka has never seen Anakin more broken and angry in her life. She could the anger boiling beneath the surface. The tendrils of darkness draped around him like a death shroud. She shuddered at the thought of losing Anakin to the darkness. The young padawan quietly wonder if they hadn’t buried part of Anakin’s soul along with with Master Kenobi’s broken body. Anakin can feel residual of Obi-Wan’s pain in the very spot his Master was spot. The Knight is haunted by the overwhelming feeling that Obi-Wan was afraid and cold when he took his final breath.

Part of the Knight desperately hoped Obi-Wan finds peace and relief from his pain in the presence of the Force. Yet something nags at him, Obi-Wan can’t be dead right? He held the brown envelope heavily in his lap. Anakin traces the familiar, messy scrawl of his former Master. _For Anakin and Ahsoka._ The Padawan-Knight pair quietly sit side by side.   
  


“You should open it.”

”That’s all that’s left of him, Snips.”, Anakin sounded tired and impatient.

”It was important enough for Master Obi-Wan to leave it for you.”

Anakin sighs and tears open the sealed envelope. He is surprised to find a flash drive containing a holo video. The Jedi knight plugs it into his holopad and plays the projection. A familiar image of Obi-Wan begins speaking to them, “If you’re watching this video, then I, Master Obi-Wan Kenobi have died. I never meant to leave you alone, Anakin. Ahsoka, forgive me for being unable to complete your training with you. I am truly sorry I cannot be at your side right now. Know dear ones, that I am always with you. May the Force Be With You.”

Anakin wishes so badly he could cry. He just feels so empty, like his entire heart is just one big void. They continue watching the video. It contains the final words and living will of Obi-Wan Kenobi.  
  


For Anakin, Obi-Wan entrusted him with a brown, moleskin journey. It once had belonged to Qui-Gon, with empty pages to continue their work. Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon gave him the immeasurable gift of wisdom in training a Padawan. _When Qui-Gon died, I felt so angry and alone. Anger, Padawan-mine has always been my greatest weakness. Please, dear one, know you are not allow in your grief. I am with you always- Obi-Wan_  
  


For Ahsoka, Obi-Wan left her a beautiful set of ornate scrolls to continue her light saber training. Ahsoka teared up at his thoughtfulness. _May these scrolls continue to guide you when I cannot. I know you will become a formidable warrior, little one. All my best-. Master Obi-Wan Kenobi._

For the first time since Obi-Wan took his last breath in Ahsoka's arms, the Padawan-knight pair cling to each other in a hug as if their very lives depend on it. They both very much wish they could wrap their Master in a hug and remind him one last time how very much they love him. Their bond had felt so muted and dull without the joyful presence of Obi-Wan. Anakin and Ahsoka reach out to hold each other each other in their force presence. They feel very loved by one Obi-Wan Kenobi. They both know how diffcult it is for Obi-Wan to share his feelings and affections. To think he would not only make such a thoughtful effort to reassure them of his love, and care, but to give them both apart of himself to carry them forward.

* * *

It's the longest week of Obi-Wan's life to be away from Anakin and Ahsoka. It wasn't unusual for the Jedi Master to be separated from the Knight-Padawan duo. Their gifts and skills sets often led them to work separate missions. But Obi-Wan couldn't help but feel anxious about his impending return to the 212th, he knew his men did not take his death lightly. He may have shattered trust with not only his battalion, but the people he loves so dearly. He worries about Anakin and Ahsoka.

He stands beside Anakin as they stride down the tarmac, Anakin hasn't spoke to him since before all this nightmare began. Obi-Wan is almost afraid that Anakin will ever speak to him again.

"You look terrible."

"Being a criminal is not easy work.", Obi-Wan deflects, he knows that's not what Anakin meant.

If anything, Anakin is even more mad that the Council and Obi-Wan would elect to push Obi-Wan's body so soon after Zigoola. Has the master ever had a moment to heal from his wounds? And not just his _physical_ wounds, Anakin thinks to himself. 

"If I'd known what was going on, I could've helped you.", Anakin is angry, and Obi-Wan knows it.

"Anakin, it was my decision to keep the truth from you. I knew if you were convinced I was dead, Dooku would believe it as well.", Obi-Wan lied, shouldering the decision The Council made. The jedi Master believed if Anakin knew it was the Council, it would shatter the little trust Anakin has in the Order. 

"Your decision?!", Anakin snapped. 

"I know, I did questionable things. I did what I had to do. I hope you can understand that.", there is no remorse in Obi-Wan's voice. 

"You lied to me. How many other lies have you told me? How do you even know that you have the whole truth?"

* * *

Obi-Wan feels deeply troubled, he knows the Council will only punish the boy if he told Anakin the truth. He watches a holo projectile of the City of Naboo leaning heavily against it. God, he need a shower, pain meds, a bottle of cheap booze, clean clothes, and to sleep for a week. Obi-Wan watches as Mace Windu joins him, he pulls his shields tight to hide the broken, bleeding heart the Jedi Master possess. 

"We should get you into the transformation chamber. Everyone is a little tired of looking at that ugly face of yours." 

"This is the face that saved the republic.", Obi-Wan quips softening his voice as he adds, "But I think you're right. It's time to go back to being Obi-Wan Kenobi." 

  
"I can sense something is still bothering you."

"Yes. Something Anakin said has me worried. Do we know the whole truth? I think I'll stay. I need to check one last thing." 

Obi-Wan continues his investigation while Anakin has a conversation with his friend, Palpatine said made the young Jedi Knight very suspicious. The nagging question remains with Anakin, "What is the whole truth?" Anakin is cornered by Dooku and his droids. Obi-Wan rushes down the hallway, pushing his body to go just a little more. He finds Anakin on the floor struggling to his feet. 

"Are you alright?"

"Forget it. Just come on." Anakin and Obi-Wan continue their pursuit down the hallway. They find Dooku, and the Chancellor boarding a ship, trying to make their escape. 

The pair duels Dooku, struggling to free the Chancellor. Obi-Wan and Anakin watch as Dooku drifts away once again, slipping through their grasps. At least the Chancellor is safe, Obi-Wan thinks to himself, though he finds the entirety of recent events puzzling. He pushes it out of mind for right now, feeling like his body has given all it can. Obi-Wan can't wait to collapse until bed. The fall. Prison. All the fighting. And displays of acrobatic fitness have exhausted him. His joints feel like space jello, barely supple enough to support his body enough to remain upright. His joints creak and groan loudly, protesting against each and every movement. 


	7. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brought to you T Swift’s bomb new album. I am trash. 😅
> 
> Your integrity makes me seem small  
> You paint dreamscapes on the wall  
> I talk shit with my friends, it's like I'm wasting your honor  
> And you know that I'd swing with you for the fences  
> Sit with you in the trenches  
> Give you my wild, give you a child  
> Give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other  
> Family that I chose, now that I see your brother as my brother  
> Is it enough?  
> But there's robbers to the east, clowns to the west  
> I'd give you my sunshine, give you my best  
> But the rain is always gonna come if you're standin' with me
> 
> Warnings: Seizure, Overdose, Drunkenness, etc.

It’s Cody who finds Obi-Wan in a drunken stupor. Obi-Wan looks terribly pale, collapsed in his bed with a spilled bottle of pills on his light stand. His hand is wrapped around a bottle of Corellian whiskey. At least, the moron was smart enough to lay in the rescue position on his good side. He looks so young, troubled and sad. His eyes are dull and listless like the General carries the weight of the universe on his shoulders. Cody frowns at the fresh tear tracks that paint Obi-Wan’s face

Save for the t-shirt and tight black boxer Briefs, Obi-Wan’s bruised body is exposed and on display. The commander frowns at the injuries that litter Obi-Wan’s skin. Cody quietly wonders if the General has been seen by a healer since he came back from his latest mission. Obi-Wan did apply bandages and bacta pads where he could reach. He’s got a pillow under his bad knee, and the heading pad against his achy side.   
  


“General, sir?”

”Call me Obi-Wan.”, The general slurs.   
  


“Are you okay, Obi-Wan?”

”Hurts, Cody.”

”Where, sir?”

”Everything.”

Obi-Wan sounds disoriented and confused. Oh god, did he _overdose_ Cody wondered? 

  
"Hold on, sir. I'll get you some help."

* * *

Anakin is awoken by disturbance in the Force. He isn't sure if its real or just another nightmare betraying his weary, emotional mind. He isn't surprised by the sound of someone knocking at his door. Similarly, Ahsoka has awoken and arisen out of her bed. They both reach out to each other through the Force. _Obi-Wan._ The young general bolts out of bed and rushes to the door, he finds Rex standing there with a grimace on his face. 

"What's wrong, Rex?", Anakin asks.

"Sir, it's General Kenobi."

"What happened?"

"He's in the medbay, sir."

"I'm on my way." 

Anakin is confronted with a horrible sight of Obi-Wan vomiting and convulsing on the hospital bed. The medical droid closes the curtain, trying to give their General privacy. The Jedi Knight nearly breaks down right there, his legs feel like jelly and he would've fallen onto his knees if Rex wasn't there to catch him. Anakin puts his head between his knees trying not to throw up, _How did we get here?_

He probes Obi-Wan's mind gently, he can feel the overwhelming feels of guilt, shame and regret his master feels. Is this about Obi-Wan's deception. His stomach drops as everything hits Anakin like a freight train. He was so afraid of losing Obi-Wan, angry his friend deceived him, and now he could lose him for real. The tears that he hasn't cried yet burst out of Anakin like a flood, _Please let him be alright. I didn't mean. I didn't wish for him to actually die._ It feels like the ground beneath Anakin's feet is shaken, and might shallow him whole. 

He presses his back against the wall, kneeling in a squat trying to get his panicked breathing under control. Ahsoka and Obi-Wan would need him strong. Rex has held Ahsoka back, giving Anakin a moment to steady himself. God, he's never been very good at feelings. In this moment, Anakin wished Qui-Gon or Obi-Wan were at his side. Anakin greets the medidroid whose overseeing Obi-Wan's case.

"He overdosed, sir. We're in the process of pumping his stomach and administered activated charcoal." 

  
"Do you know if it was intentional?"

"Unknown, General Skywalker. We recommend an evaluation from the Mind Healers when he wakes." 

"How's his overall condition?" 

"Stabilizing. Commander Cody found him at an optimal moment." 

"Jesus, is the Commander okay?"

"He's quite shaken up, Sir."

"Please keep me updated on them both."

"As soon as we have General Kenobi settled, you and your Padawan may sit at his bedside. He shouldn't wake up from this alone."

"You got it.", Anakin's voice shakes, he doesn't let anyone else see him fall apart. 

The Jedi Knight puts out a brave face and walks into the waiting room. He collapsed in a chair beside Rex, Ahsoka, and Cody. He notes Ahsoka's haunted look in her eyes, she still remembers holding Obi-Wan's cold, lifeless body in her arms not even a week ago. Rex looks weary, holding Cody's hand, offering quiet reassurance and support. All they can do is wait, and Anakin hates waiting. 


	8. Aftermath

Obi-Wan is unconscious for three very long days. They transport him from the _Negotiator_ to the Temple. Master Che oversees his case now. He rests in a Force induced sleep until his weary mind and body rouse him awake.  
  


Anakin nor Ahsoka have left his side, they keep watch. Their friends and Council members have kept vigil outside Obi-Wan’s door. Concern held heavily in the air of the Temple, even the littlest youngling in the Crèche noticed.  
  


The council is aware they pushed Kenobi to his breaking point. They spent many hours in deliberation about what to do moving forward. No one feels it is wise to separate Anakin, Ahsoka, and Obi-Wan.   
  
  


Obi-Wan groans softly, tiredly opening his heavy eyes. His head feels like someone put a lightsaber through the Jedi Master’s eye socket. He doesn’t dare trying move his sore body yet. His limbs feel like pins and needles. God, if he had his lightsaber he’d run it through his leg to get some relief. Even maxed out on pain medicine, Obi-Wan has some discomfort. 

“W-what happened?”, Obi-Wan’s hoarse voice croaked.   
  
  


“You overdosed, Master.”, Ahsoka whispered. 

“I’m sorry you saw me like that.”, Obi-Wan bows his head in apology. His guilt and shame floods the room heavily. It makes Anakin and Ahsoka recoil. 

”Why did you do it?”, Anakin’s voice shakes as he holds his best friend and Masted’s hand. No judgment, just concern and care in the Jedi Knight’s voice.   
  


“I don’t want to be in _pain_ anymore.”, Obi-Wan’s voice shook and Anakin’s heart shattered into a million pieces. 

“Hey, look at me, Obi.”, Anakin gently cups Obi-Wan’s cheek, “We will figure this out together.”

* * *

Obi-Wan curled up on his good side, drawing his knees to his chest. He shuts the Mind Healer out, trying to dodge and avoid her effort to probe his mind. _Fuck off. Fuck off. Fuck off. Fuck off._ He sends his pricky warning through the Force. _  
  
_

“General, the sooner you cooperate the sooner you can go home.”   
  


“It’s Obi-Wan. Stay out of my kriffing mind.”   
  


The Mind Healer sighed, pinching her nose as she collapsed in the chair beside Obi-Wan’d bed. She’s frustrated and puzzled by this crankly Jedi Master, even drugged and worn thin by pain his shields are fortified by sheer spite and stubbornness, absolutely impenetrable. 

If she wasn’t here for an evaluation, the young Healer would be very impressed she could only scratch the surface of Obi-Wan vast mental reservoir. And only because he let her!   
  


“Master Obi-Wan, my name is Talia. I’m the Mind Healer assigned to evaluate your mental health. I’m here on the orders of the Council.”

”They can kriff off too.”

”My job, Master, is to help Jedi like you who’ve experienced trauma while in serve to the Force. I have other patients, I could see today if you’d cooperate. Otherwise, I’ll be here all day.”

“Fine.”, Obi-Wan sounds apologetic. Talia smiles, she found an opening. Now only if she could get him to care as much as himself as he does for others. 

  
“Relax, Obi-Wan. Everything you share is confidential. I will only give an assessment of your mental health and not divulge what you share, unless you are a danger to yourself and others.”  
  


“Okay.”, Obi-Wan’s voice is quiet. He has an unspoken question on his lips. 

“Before we get started, do you have any questions?”  
  
  


“Why are you so sad, Talia?”, soulful blue eyes search Talia’s frustrated brown, almond colored eyes. 

”After my master died, I no longer felt like field missions were where I needed to be. Now, I help people the way the mind healers helped me.”

”I’m sorry for your loss, Talia.”

”I appreciate it.”, Talia said quietly, coaxing Obi-Wan to sit up. They begin their session with meditation, finding each other’s signature in the Force.   
  


Talia probes and scans Obi-Mind’s mind working to find the tendrils of sadness, guilt and doubt that wrap around him. She spends an hour with him, and tucks the sleepy Jedi Master in bed. The young healer writes her evaluation while Obi-Wan sleeps.

Recommendation: Discuss pain management plan with Master Che, Continued sessions with Mind Healers, and brief medical leave from active duty. 

Patient’s recklessness and alcohol misuse appear to be tied to elevated levels of pain. No repeated attempts of harm have occurred since admittance to the Healing Halls. At this time, I do not feel he is a danger to himself or others.- Talia 


	9. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You have always worn your flaws upon your sleeve  
> And I have always buried them deep beneath the ground  
> Dig them up; let's finish what we've started  
> Dig them up, so nothing's left untouched
> 
> All of your flaws and all of my flaws,  
> When they have been exhumed  
> We'll see that we need them to be who we are  
> Without them we'd be doomed
> 
> There's a hole in my soul  
> I can't fill it, I can't fill it  
> There's a hole in my soul  
> Can you fill it? Can you fill it?
> 
> -Flaws, Bastille

Obi-Wan continued to work Talia. By their fourth session, the Jedi Master seemed to be less combative about meeting with her. He agreed to continue seeing a Mind Healer as long Anakin and Ahsoka saw one as well. Their entire linage could use healing. Obi-Wan feels less alone, a little lighter. There may always be nightmares, trauma that never quite heals, and ghosts in his head. But for the first time in months, he can breath, and his panic attacks are not nearly as frequent.

Master Che updated his pain medicine regime. While in the temple, Obi-Wan took his medicine, attended physical therapy and had afternoon dips in the healing springs. Unless confined to his bed, Obi-Wan would continue to experience pain. He noted activity, level, weather and other factors influenced his pain level. Kenobi was glad to have a few headache free days. The Jedi master slept, swam, mediated and rested.   
  


Master Che and Obi-Wan were determined to find ways to reduce his day to day pain. He could live with the pain as long as he didn't have excruciating flares every day. He felt like they were making good progress with their regimen of meds, Force Healing, mediation, healing springs, acupuncture and yoga.) It was unlikely Obi-Wan would ever have complete and total relief of his pain, especially as an active, athletic young Jedi Master.  
  


The council decided Obi-Wan would not longer be allowed to go into the field alone. They treated Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Ahsoka as a trio. Anakin and Ahsoka would be trained in the art of healing, in the event Master Kenobi needed their aid. They would become more mindful of which missions they elected to send the trio on. The Council felt they failed the Master-Knight-Padawan trio. 

* * *

Per the Council’s recent decision Obi-Wan would remain with his Padawans, they relocated to a larger apartment. It was bittersweet to say goodbye to the quarters Obi-Wan once shared with Qui-Gon, it felt nice to have a fresh start. His apartment once felt like the lingering ghosts of the past occupied each and every corner.

  
He smiled every time he saw the sign on their door: Kenobi/Skywalker/Tano. They were going to start to heal and recover in this space. Their little family finally getting a chance to simply be. Obi-Wan knew the peace and quiet wouldn’t last forever. But for right now, he enjoyed these moments.   
  
  


They painted the commons area’s walls a light blue color, laughing and getting each other messy. Their hand prints were now part of the wall with their names written below. Anakin’s spare tinkering parts and tools spilled across the dining room table. Ahsoka had a collection of plants growing in the sunshine. Obi-Wan had his tea collection and book shelf full of books in the living room.   
  


They had a wall of family photos of young Obi and Qui-Gon, of Padawan Anakin and Knight Obi. Then most recently one of all three of them. They kept Qui-Gon’s colorful mediation cushions, Pai Shotable, and record player. Their quarters were much more familial and domestic than than any business to be.

Obi-Wan was just glad to be home again. The last few years visits to the Temple had been few and far between, mostly for Council Meetings and trips to the Healing Halls. He laid on the couch, blanket draped across him listening to the his Padawans laugh. Anakin scolds Ahsoka when he thinks they're being too loud. But Obi-Wan sends a tug through their bond. " _I like hearing you two laugh."_  
  


The Jedi Master believes they’re playing some kind of board game. Kenobi rests in the warmth and love of the Force listening to their shenanigans. _Thank the Force they got to be kids today, Obi-Wan thinks to himself._ He still feels incredibly guilty about his role in the Rako Hardeen mission. The Jedi Master knows Anakin is still upset, he can feel the anger, emptiness and confusion his former Padawan carries. And god, Ahsoka still has nightmares about holding her Grand Master's limp, lifeless body. Obi-Wan knows he's got to teach them both to shield themselves better.

He presses against their warm, deep bond, and reminds them both of his deep love for them both. Obi-Wan has always struggled with love and affection, but he's realized that maybe they both need him to be more affectionate. The older man isn't sure he can learn to vocalize his feelings, but through their growing bond, he shares what he can't put into words yet. _Attachment is forbidden. Physical comfort is against the code.  
  
_

Obi Wan tries for shake these thoughts. He tried so hard to be a strict and disciplined Master. He realized perhaps that’s not what his Padawans need. Only he ever wanted was Qui-Gon’s love. Is it really such an awful thing to be a loving and affectionate ~~father~~ Master.   
  


In retrospect, Obi-Wan feels perhaps they’ve always been too hard on Anakin. The Council. His teachers. Even Obi-Wan himself, it would be an incredible burden to be tasked with being the galaxy’s chosen one.   
  


And Ahsoka, Obi-Wan thinks, she’s still very much a child. Yes, capable and smart, growing into her gifts. The Jedi Master fears Anakin is too hard on her, just as he was too hard on Anakin. She needs reassurance, praise and encouragement. He will do better or else he fears they will down a dark path with no point of return. 

Obi-Wan is almost sleep when he feels two people flop down on the couch beside him, "Obi-Wan Cuddle pile.", Anakin orders as Ahsoka laughs.   
  


The Jedi Master isn't mad, he moves to wrap his arms around both of them. A smile on his lips, a genuine smile for the first since the horrors of Zigoola and the betrayal of Rako Hardeen tugs at his lips. He laughs, holding his Padawan and grand Padawan to his chest. Obi-Wan presses a kiss against each other foreheads. _My disaster children._

From the door way, Master Yoda stealthily conceals his presence and observes the overwhelming joy-happiness-love that fills the apartment. 

"Wrong we were to ever think separating them was the answer.", Master Yoda feels deeply troubled, and walks down the hall to mediate. 


	10. Recovery

While on temporary medical leave, Obi-Wan requested permission from the Council to travel. He handed them a brochure of a mediation retreat. Impressed Obi-Wan asked for the vacation, the Council felt inclined to grant his request. Yeah, too bad the Council doesn't know "mediation retreat" is code for meeting with your secret space wife.   
  


He leaves while Anakin and Ahsoka are sleeping. The Jedi Master has a sneaking suspicion they’ll know he’s going to see Satine. The Jedi Master boards the aircraft, and greets the Captain with a quiet hello.  
  


It is a several day journey of nonstop flight to get from Coruscant to Mandalore. Obi-Wan keeps himself busy mediating, working on crosswords, knitting and reading. God know, he still could use a lot of sleep. He wants to be well rested when he arrives on Mandalore. 

* * *

Obi-Wan changes clothes shortly before their final descent. He swaps his usual Jedi attire for a pair of trousers, a white tunic and dark brown leather check. The Jedi Master tucks his light paper into his belt. He even trimmed his beard and splashed a nice, smokey vanilla aftershave on.   
  


Kenobi closes his eyes and buckles into his seat. He takes a centering breath, wondering how he can apologize to Satine. Force, she went to his kriffing funeral not that long ago!

Within the hour, the Captain cleared for land and they arrived on the tarmac. Once parked, and deplaning began, Obi-Wan unbuckled, rising to his feet. He bid the Captain goodbye for now. They’d touch base again in three days.   
  


Obi-Wan stops at the stalls outside the palace to purchase a pink rose: love, gratitude and appreciation. He knows she’s expecting him, it doesn’t make this moment any easier.   
  


The palace guards let him pass, and the Captain of them Guard walks him to the

throne room. Their eyes met, sizing each other up. The Negotiator and the Duchess quietly analyzing the other’s body language.   
  


“Are you just going to stand there like a solider at parade rest?”, Satine teases.

”Permission to kiss you?, M’lady.”

  
  


“Permission granted.”   
  


The couple shares a brief, passionate kiss.

Obi-Wan gently approaches, extending his hand to offer her, “I apologize for deceiving you, dear one.”

”You better have a good explanation, Ben.” Satire smells the rose and sets it into a nearby vase. 

  
“I will tell you everything, I promise.”, Obi-Wan’s voice is sincere.   
  
  


Satine wants to yell at him for being an absolute prick. She thought he had died. But she knew that’s not what he needed, and it would only make _her_ feel better.

She can sense the wrongness of his unusual quietness. His eyes don’t spark with joy anymore. There is a frown on his lips. His body is wound so tightly she thinks he might combust on the spot. 

He’s hurting, not just physically either. His heart is heavy, Satine can sense how troubled he feels. Her _Jetti_ is bleeding feelings out into the floor, and that’s never happened before. Satine knows there is more to the story. 

”Come here. Let’s get you off your feet. You must be tired.”, Satins takes him by his hand.   
  


Obi-Wan allows her to lead him to her bedroom. She gently pushes him onto the bed, carefully undoing his clothes. The Duchess kissed his exposed skin, carefully examining her lover’s body for injuries.  
  
  


She finds him favoring his right side. The pinched look on his face a tale tale sign of a headache. Satine can see right through him, she always has.   
  


“How long have you been having headaches?”, Satine asks.   
  
  


“A few months.”

”You should’ve told me.”

“Hand me my pills, would you?”, Obi-Wan asks shyly.   
  


“No problem, love.”

Satine is gentle, pressing a glass of water and pain meds into his hand. He swallows them, closing his eyes as he lies against the cool pillow. The Duchess undresses herself, placing their neatly folded clothes aside.   
  


“I’ll order us some dinner.”, Satine whispers, turning off the light. She cradles Obi-Wan’s head in her lap. The Duchess runs her finger through his hair. 

Obi-Wan feels her press the heating stone against his achy side and pillow under his bad knee. Her gentle care and concern makes the Jedi Master weep. She rubbles his back as he sobs, overcome with emotion.

“You spoil me.”, Obi-Wan sniffled.

”I’m afraid your body will fall apart before we’re grown old and grey, Ben.”

“Ah. Afraid you won’t get rid of me so easily.”

”You’ll put yourself in an early grave if you keep on like this.”

”Understood, m’lady.”

Satine and Obi-Wan enjoy dinner in bed. They just hold each other. Satine listens to Ben breathing in her arms. She could sob with relief knowing Obi-Wan Kenobi, the love of her Life is alive and well. But for now, she’ll be the strong, steady presence Obi-Wan needs her to be. 


	11. Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Early update for the 6th.
> 
> Satine and Obi-Wan want different things.

There is something surreal, and beautiful about waking up with someone you love. Obi-Wan gently wakes, realizing he’s spooning another warm soft presence. Kenobi doesn’t want to get out of bed, he very easy could spent the duration of their time together in bed.   
  


  
He presses a kiss to Satine’s forehead, and detangles their limbs. The Jedi Master quietly walks to the ‘fresher to relive himself. Kenobi turns on the shower, and is pleasantly surprised when Satine joins him.  
  


She wraps an arm around him. Obi-Wan presses a few well placed toe curling kisses on her exposed skin. The couple takes turns washing each other. When they step out of the shower, Satine wraps a fluffy towel around Obi-Wan.   
  


They dress themselves, walking hand in hand to breakfast. Satine knowing Obi-Wan well requested brown sugar oatmeal, tea and fruit. The couple ate quietly, and Satins reminded Obi-Wan to take his morning meds.   
  


As an honor of their upcoming 14th wedding anniversary, Obi-Wan decided he’ll get the Mandalorian clan tattoo. Ever since he was 23, Obi-Wan has wanted to carry her mark on his skin. Attachments be damned, Obi-Wan knows tomorrow isn’t a guarantee.  
  


This damn war has nearly cost him his soul. He has serious doubts about whether the Jedi should even be involved in the Clone Wars. They’re no better than the Hutts leading a slave army.

Obi-Wan thinks about Anakin’s words everyday. _Do you have the whole truth?_ Something about the Rako Hardee’s mission, Dooku and Palpaptine doesn’t sit right. 

He visit the palace tattoo artist, Obi-Wann proudly asks for the marriage bond. The tattoo artist runs their eyes, not surprised by his request. It is a well known fact that Duchess has a thing for Master Obi-Wan Kenobi, hell so does most of the galaxy. Take a number and get in line. The difference, he loves her too, and the palace staff knows this.   
  


Obi-Wan closes his eyes, releasing his discomfort into the Force. It takes nearly an hour and a half to place the tattoo above his left pec. He leaves with the tattoo bandaged, care instructions and a pep in his step.

Satine rewards him with a well placed hickey. Obi-Wan likes her marking him. It reminds him their relationship isn’t a dream. She carefully pulls his collar over the mark, and gives him a knowing smile.

“Anakin will know.”, Satine teased.

”Let him. Let them all know.”, Obi-Wan shrugged.

”Are you sure, Ben?”

”No. But matters of the heart are worthy, honorable. And if they’re against the code, maybe the Code’s wrong.”

”Obi-Wan Kenobi, I am shocked.”

”Tomorrow isn’t a guarantee. A little happiness doesn’t hurt anyone.”

* * *

After dinner, Obi-Wan escorts the life of his life on a walk in the place gardens. He feels so much at peace here, secretly wishing he could stay longer. 

  
She sits with him while he quietly mediates under a tree. Mediation, naps, a dip in the pool, and sitting down with a holo novel have been beneficial to his health. Obi-Wan releases his feelings into the Force. The tears well in his eyes: the feelings of anger, guilt, disappointment, sadness and pain.  
  
  


Satine waits for her Jetti to return. She’s not sure she’s never known him to be so tactile. Obi-Wan holds her hand like she’s the only think grounding him to reality.

”Are you okay, dearest?”

” _No.”,_ his voice betrays him, “I don’t think I have been okay in a long time.”, Obi-Wan shudders.   
  


“I can shoulder your heart if you’ll let me.”

  
“You won’t see me the same way again.”

”I love every part of you, Ben.”

”I’ve done horrible things, Satine.”, Obi-Wan bows his head in apology.   
  


“Let me see.”

”Promise me, you won’t hate me?”, Obi-Wan’s voice cracks.   
  


“Never, dearest.”  
  


Obi-Wan closes his eyes, and presses his fingers against Satine’s forehead. Memories of holding dying soldiers, tending for burning bodies, of killing, of dying, the horrors of War. Satine holds him close when he weeps about Melida/Daan, Qui-Gon, the War, Zigoola, and the Rako Hardeen mission.   
  


_I didn’t want to hurt the people I love.  
  
_

_My compassionate hurt other people.  
_

_Sometimes I wish Obi-Wan Kenobi actually died_

_I’m in so much pain.  
  
_

_Attachments are how our enemies exploit our emotions and hurt us.  
_ _  
_

_I failed. I dishonored my Masted. I bring shame upon my Order. I’ve done horrible, evil things in the name of the Jedi._ _  
_

_I’m tired, Satine.  
  
_

Satine holds her weary warrior in her arms. She lets him weep, rubbing circles on his back. The peace maker presses a warm kiss against the back of his neck.   
  


“Ask me.”, Obi-Wan’s voice breaks. He wants her to ask him to leave.

”No.”, Satine was firm. She won’t ask him to leave, especially not when he’s so emotional distraught and his faith is shaken. 

Obi-Wan sobs again, pain and rejection floods their space.   
  


“Why not?” _I would leave everything behind if you asked.,_ The Jedi Master thinks to himself.  
  


“We both have other commitments.”

Obi-Wan feels his heart aching, a longing and desire for something he can never have. Dejectedly, the Jedi Master collapses in her lap. He is overwhelmed by the feeling of the Force wrapping around him like a warm embrace. And despite her answer, Satine doesn’t let him go.

  
“I love you no matter what, Ben. This is your home.”

”I want a life with you.”

”A life of marriage and children would bore you.”

”I don’t want to go back.”, Obi-Wan’s voice shatters.   
  


“You must. The universe needs Jedi Master, their brilliant General Obi-Wan Kenobi.”   
  


“I don’t want to be the _him_ anymore.”

“You don’t have a choice, darling.” Satine kisses his forehead. 

The duchess knows she will nurse his wounds and send him back to fight alongside the Children of Light. But in the meantime, she’ll be his sanctuary. Her heart breaks too, every time she sends him away. 


	12. Fall Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For extra hurt, listen to T Swift’s Illicit Affairs 
> 
> And that's the thing about illicit affairs  
> And clandestine meetings and stolen stares  
> They show their truth one single time  
> But they lie and they lie and they lie  
> A million little times
> 
> Obi-Wan Kenobi is not okay.

Nursing a wounded battered spirit, Obi-Wan tried to leave under the cover of early morning without saying good. He hates parting with the only person he's entrusted his bruised heart to since Qui-Gon. Obi-Wan doesn't know how to love Anakin and Ahsoka the way they need him to.

His emotional growth has always been stunned by the events that happened on Naboo. He became distant, private, and reclusive to protect himself. And it hurt Anakin. Indulging in selfishness for once may have cost him Satine. 

The Jedi Master promised himself one of these days he would stay, and not even Satine could refuse him. Satine anticipated he would run away, and that's why she's waiting for him, leaning against the ship. She waits for himself, while he spends the morning in mediation.

She knows Obi-Wan Kenobi has always disliked politics. Her heart aches, knowing how hard it is for him to express his feelings. He put all his cards on the table, willing to be vulnerable and honest. And Obi-Wan lost, he never liked losing, even if it wasn't very Jedi of him, 

"I never liked watching you leave.", Satine twirls her hair teasingly. 

"I thought you quite liked watching my _behind._ "

"It would not be proper for a gentlewoman to oogle." 

"That's never stopped you before."

The teasing. The flirting. The lightness. It is a delicate dance. An affront Obi-Wan puts up to keep them from discussing how she has hurt him. She knows what she has done by denying him his only request. There are not many things Obi-Wan Kenobi has asked of her. 

"Be safe, Ben, I expect you to come back to me in one piece." 

"Do you have a right to ask that of me?" 

"You are my husband." 

  
"You are sending me away _again_.", Obi-Wan's tone was sharp, cold, distance. 

  
“ _Ben_....”

“Don’t touch me.”, Obi-Wan dodged her comforting touch and placating kisses, “You don’t get to soothe the pain you put me in. 

Obi-Wan Kenobi waited to fall apart until he was alone. Her stunned, face haunted his memories. The combination of his broken heart and full body aches were enough to drive the Jedi Master to drive his lightsaber through his upper left thigh.

He was able to focus the throbbing pain in his thigh rather than his heart, knee, side and head. Obi-Wan elected to spend the duration of the flight home in locked into his quarters, and if the crew knew they didn’t stay a word. 

* * *

Obi-Wan has an awful headache. It makes his head spin, and vision blur. He walks down the platform to the solid ground of Coruscant. He’s still limping from his recent “mysterious” leg injury. The Jedi Master slapped a bandage and batca on the wound.   
  


Anakin and Ahsoka meet him outside the temple. Obi-Wan is not looking forward to Anakin’s interrogation, and concern. He’d rather be left alone. 

“Are you okay, Master?”, Anakin asked, glancing at the pinched look on Obi-Wan’s face and his limp.   
  


“I’m _fine_.”   
  
They walk back to their shared quarters in silence. As soon as they cross the threshold of their private space, Anakin demands Obi-Wan sits. 

”Shirt and pants off.”, Anakin meant business. 

”At least buy me lunch first.”

”Don’t make me call Master. Che.”

“Whatever.”   
  


Obi-Wan slowly takes his clothes off, placing his cloak on the back of the chair. He folds his tunic and trousers carefully, Anakin knows he’s stalling. His cheeks flush red with embarrassment. He feels exposed and vulnerable under their watchful eyes. 

  
The Jedi Knight pinches his nose, releasing his anger and frustration into the Force. He catalogues the hickey, healing tattoo, and light saber burn on Obi-Wan upper left thigh.   
  


“You went to Mandalore.”, Anakin concluded.

”Mediation retreat.”

”Nice hickey. Tattoo is new. Based on your pissy mood, I’m guessing things with your space girlfriend went south.”

”She’s not my girlfriend.”, Obi-Wan deflects. Wife, actually. _It’s complicated._  
  


“I’m reporting your injury to Healer Talia.”

”You will do no such thing.”, Obi-Wan attempts to use Force Suggestion.

  
“Your Jedi Mind Tricks won’t work on me, old man.”

“I don’t have to talk to _you_.”

”You don’t just hurt yourself keeping in all your feelings. You hurt the people you love. Let us help you.”

”I didn’t ask for your help.”

”Families help each other.”

”Families are against the Code.”

“You love her. There is nothing to be ashamed of. Love is a good thing, Master.”

”You know nothing of love.”

”That’s not true.”

”Satine and I are nothing like your puppy love relationship with Senator Amidala.” 

  
”You are an insufferable ass, Master.”

”Fuck off.”

  
“If you keep running away, then you will end up alone and miserable.”

  
“I will always be alone.” _You are destined for infinite sadness,_ the Force reminds Obi-Wan.

”You don’t have to be.”  
  


Obi-Wan storms off to his room in nothing but his undershirt and boxers. The Jedi Master shouts a unJedi-like stream of curses and slams the door loudly. Ahsoka and Anakin exchange a shared look of concerned, “ _He never slams the door.”_


	13. Shatterpoint

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 1 of 2
> 
> Anakin and Ahsoka stage an intervention.

Anakin and Ahsoka decided a family meeting is in order. They sit at the kitchen table littered with spare droid parts and tools. Obi-Wan has been unusually quiet, and refused to come out his room. Healer Talia will be by this morning.  
  


“Master Kenobi has to come out of his room sometime, right?”

”At this point, I think he’s sustain by sheer spite and stubbornness, Snips”

”There must be something we can do.”  
  


“We’ve spoke with Healer Talia. All we can do is wait.”

”I hate waiting, Skyguy.”

”Me too, Padawan-mine.”  
  


Ahsoka is already scheming about how they could travel to Mandalore. Things between Obi-Wan and Satine cannot continue like this. They both have a feeling something happened between them. Obi-Wan was definitely not himself. 

* * *

Healer Talia knocks on Obi-Wan’s door, “Look, Kenobi. We can do this the easy way or the hard way.”

”How about not at all?”

”It’s either 48 hour watch in the temple or here in your private quarters. Pick.”

”Here.”, Obi-Wan grumbled.

“I heard your refusing meals.”

”Not hungry.”

”You must need to use the ‘fresher.”

  
  


”Nope.”

  
“Did you take your meds?”

”Anakin doesn’t trust me with them.”

”I want you to open this door.”

”Will everyone leave me the kriff alone if I do?”

”I expect you to shower, eat, take your meds, and let me look at your wound.”

” _Fine_.”

  
Obi-Wan reclucantly open the door, still wearing nothing more than his underclothes and a bathrobe. He grumbled when Talia turned on the water and sent him to shower. Anakin laid out clean clothes on the counter.   
  


Once Obi-Wan appeared in clean clothes, and freshly showered, the Mind Healer took a look at his nasty wound on his upper left thigh. She sighed, putting salve on the burn and applied a clean bandage. 

"Did you hurt yourself on purpose?" 

"Of course not."

"I think you're lying to me." 

"I have no reason to lie." 

Talia attempts to probe his shields. She finds him block and advancing her every move. The mind healer sets her jaw in frustration. She knows not to push him too soon, too hard or she'll never get him to open up. 

Instead, she begins by brewing his favorite tea, and prepares a simple breakfast of eggs with toast. She allows the silence between them, watching Anakin and Ahoksa join their Master at the table. 

  
She hands Obi-Wan a cup of tea and two pills, “Take this.”

The Jedi Master wants to refuse. He sighed seeing the concerned look in Ahsoka and Anakin’s eyes.

”How are you feeling, Master?”, Ahsoka asked squeezing her Grandmaster’s hand. 

“I feel like _bantha.”_

”Does the medicine help?”, Anakin asked.   
  


”The medicine makes me feel foggy, nauseated, drowsy, and constipated. But it beats being confined to bed.”

“Have you spoken with Master Che?”, Talia asked.

“She suggested an unorthodox treatment plan.”, Obi-Wan whispered. 

  
  


“It makes you anxious.”

”I am running out of options.” _The Council may ask me to step away from active combat. I cannot abandon my men.  
  
_

 _“_ Eat. We’ll talk more when you’ve eaten.”

Obi-Wan picks at his food, though he does eat as Talia asked. 

* * *

After breakfast, Obi-Wan cleared his throat and spoke up.

  
”I am truly sorry for my behavior.”, Obi-Wan bows his head in apology, “I-I am not well.”

”I forgive you, Obi-Wan.”, Anakin reassured

”I didn’t mean what I said about you and the Senator.”

”I know, Master. , Anakin gently squeezed Obi-Wan’s shoulder.   
  


“We love you, Obi.”, Ahsoka said softly.

”I-I love you both very much.”, Obi-Wan swallowed thickly. 

Anakin and Ahsoka send reassurance through their bond with Obi-Wan. They knew he needed their love, affection and support. They would not abandon him.

”And it is only because we love you that we went to the Council. Please do not be upset with us.”, Anakin cleared his throat, sitting up straighter. 

”What did you do?”, Obi-Wan’s heart sank.

”From now on, Ashoka and I will accompany you on missions.”

”I’m not an invalid.”

”No one said you were.”

“The Council made a stupid decision. We can _elect_ to ignore it.”

”You will take your medicine. We expect you to eat, rest, and mediate. And Talia will spend the next 48 hours working with you. Get it together, Obi-Wan.”, Anakin announced firmly.   
  


“We love you too much to see you hurt yourself.”, Ahsoka added.   
  
  
  
“We leave at the end of the week to begin your treatment promptly.”  
  


“I didn’t want any of this.”

”When you begin making reasonable decisions again, perhaps you can have more say.”

”I am your Master, Anakin.”

”These orders come from the Council, Obi-Wan. It is final.”

Anakin and Ahsoka offered their Master a respectful bow, leaving their shared quarters for the sparing stalls. For once the Negotiator was silent, and stunned.   
  


Master Talia looks smug, Obi-Wan tells her to shut up.   
  


“So wanna tell me how you got that hickey?”

”A gentleman never kisses and tells.”

”How scandalous, Master Obi-Wan.”, she teased.   
  


  
“I am quite flirtatious, my dear.”

“What really has you upset?”, Talia asks gently. 

“I can’t tell you.”

“Then why don’t you show me?”

”Okay.”

Talia helps the Jedi Master to sit in a modified lotus position. He centers himself with his breathing. Obi-Wan leans into the Force, and waits for Talia to join him.   
  


She holds his hand while they walk through his trouble swirl of emotions. Talia does not judge him nor pull away. When he cannot be, Mind Healer Talia supports him 

They don’t talk with their words. Talia allows Obi-Wan to share memories and they communicate through their newly forged bond.   
  


“I’m so _tired_ , Talia.”

  
“Rest, Obi-Wan. I’ve got you.”   
  


The healer helped him limp to the couch after their session. She uses Force Suggestion to induce rest. They still have a lot of work to do, but he deserves a break.   
  


Talia does not leave his side. Neither do Anakin and Ahsoka. The Jedi Council approved a plan to care for one of their own who needs their love and support. Obi-Wan Kenobi is not okay, but he has people rallied behind him. They will not let him fall from the Light.


	14. Shatterpoint

Healer Talia feels as if they hit a brick wall. Prior to Obi-Wan's "mediation retreat", he had been doing so well. Now, it feels like he's erected a wall around himself with a "Fuck Off" sign on the front. And if one found there way inside, they might be ensnared by booby traps. Unless she can figure out what went wrong, she'll won't be able to find a way to disarm him. Obi-Wan is quiet, retreating behind his distant, reserved front. 

It scares Anakin and Ahsoka to realize how good he is at projecting a state of tranquility, calm, and togetherness. If they didn't live with him, they might not notice how much his behavior screams "I'm not alright." He still picks at his food, having a low appetite. The Jedi Master sleeps all the time, he's so tired. As Obi-Wan becomes less combative about their help, he started being more and quiet. Ahsoka and Anakin were used to Obi-Wan being more reserved. Though, this new quiet just felt wrong. His lips are twisted in a perpetual frown. When he finally let his shields down , everyone in the apartment could feel the weight of his heartbreak, despair, and guilt.

Talia and Obi Wan's session often are held in short bursts making time for mediation and naps. Talia can feel the pain radiating off him in the Force. The Mind Healer guides Ahsoka and Anakin through how to gauge Obi-Wan’s pain levels. They learn to siphon and release his pain into the Force. It helps tremendously if Obi-Wan can be relaxed enough to mediate and sleep. There’s a consensus among them that the Rako Hardeen mission caused Obi-Wan great distress. And they know the Council did not give him adequate time to recover from Zigoola either. Whatever happened between Satine and Obi-Wan did not help the already spiraling nature of his mental health. 

* * *

Talia knows he’s still not feeling great. Judging by his unwillingness to move from the couch and heating pad, Obi-Wan’s stomach is bothering him. Though, he reports his pain levels are more mild today. The nausea and constipation are still miserable. Obi-Wan holds his stomach tightly with his hand. He groans lowly, trying to bury himself further into the couch. He looks as miserable as he feels. Talia sits beside Obi-Wan, holding his hand. There isn't much she can do what offer reassurance and a calming presence.

Obi-Wan bolted to the 'fresher and spent much of the afternoon in agony. When he finally emerged several hours later, he looked pale and relived as beats of sweat gathered on his brow. He collapsed on the couch, Talia offered a cup of ginger tea and a wet wash cloth. She helped him turn onto his side, settle his knee under a pillow and place the heating pad back on his stomach. 

_"You can ask. I know you've wanted to ask all day.", Obi-Wan communicates through the Force._

_"Are you sure you're up for it?",Talia asks, probing to gauge his pain and willingness._

_"Consider what happened in there, I am feeling much better.", Obi-Wan deflects gesturing at the 'fresher._

_"What happened on Mandalore, Obi-Wan?"_

_"The Duchess and I had a disagreement."_

_"How does this disagreement make you feel?"_

_"Hurt. It was like someone ran a light saber through my chest."_

  
_"I wish you'd be a little more specific, Kenobi."_

_"I told her how I've been feeling lately."_

_"How have you been feeling lately?"_

_"I've never felt so lost, Talia. After Zigoola, I realized my compassion hurt people. My attachments. My feelings. My relationships. They compromise me.", Obi-Wan whispered._

_Talia squeezes his shoulder to steady him when he shudders. He's opened his shields enough to let her see, they both feel the weight of his emotions with each flicker of memory. Obi-Wan remembers being whipped, his compassion hurting others, the way he almost broke on Zigoola. He carries the feeling of guilt and betrayal knowing how badly he hurt the people when he faked his death. There are memories of dying, of cradling the dying, of missions gone wrong._

_The Jedi Master thinks of Satine who accused him of betraying his Jedi Code by leading the war. Obi-Wan feels responsibility for every death, every injury, every failure. There are times even the Negotiator can't talk his way out of a fight and people are caught in the cross hairs. He thinks of Qui-Gon whom he failed. He couldn't even kill Darth Maul properly. God, he hurt Anakin, more times than he cares to name. This war is costing him his very soul, compromising every principal and belief he stands for. And Obi-Wan is overwhelmed by the admittance of such weakness._

_"Even Jedi Masters have feelings, Obi-Wan."_

_"Attachments are against the Code."_

_"Attachment is when you let your emotions overwhelm you, keep you from thinking straight. We have to name, acknowledge process and let go of our feelings. It's what we do with our feelings that matters."_

  
They ponder these thoughts together. 

* * *

_"And when you told The Duchess how you felt, how did she react?", Talia asked._

_"She promised she'd not see me different. Then Satine sent me away again."_

_"And you're afraid of being open with anyone else, because if she rejected you, then would anyone accept you?". Talia asked._

_"Yes.", Obi-Wan said quietly, "She's supposed to love me the way no one else loves me."_

_"You love this woman, Obi, don't you?"_

_"More than anything.", Obi-Wan's voice shattered._

_"Have you ever had your heartbroken?"_

_"Twice." Leaving Satine fourteen years ago, and when Qui-Gon died., Obi-Wan thinks._

_"Can I give you a hug?", Talia asks._

_"Yes."_

Talia gives Obi-Wan the most gentle, warm hug he's felt in a long time. She doesn't say a warm when he gets weepy, just holding him tight, _"You do not have to shoulder this alone."_

_"Thank you.", Obi-Wan's inner voice wobbles._

_"For what?", Talia asks softly._

_"For listening."_

_"Why don't you let me in? We'll work through your memories, and begin addressing the thoughts that are weighing you down."_

_"Okay."_

Obi-Wan nods, they both sit in a meditative pose. She reminds him of the breaths they learned to take in the Creche to calm their minds and center their hearts. And Obi-Wan slowly lets her in. They won't get through it all in a day, but Talia feels like its a damn good start. Anakin and Ahsoka come back from their sparing session, and do not interrupting the process. They send warm, calm, supportive pulsations through their bond to let Obi-Wan know they are there.


	15. Healing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-Wan, Anakin and Ahsoka are given their new assignment.

Healer Talia was traveling alongside the trio. The council expected her to continued her work while the 212th and 501th were recalled to Alderaan. Ahsoka would have an opportunity to teach at the local school. Obi-Wan had responsibilities both as the _Negotiator_ and would see a renowned healer while planet side. Anakin was to continue overseeing Ahsoka's education, and work to train the new recruits. 

The Jedi Council had vested interest in the war ending promptly, and they quietly gave the Negotiator the resources to do so. Obi-Wan had made a fine case that the responsibility of the Jedi Order to her people, the liberation of all souls and peace. Their involvement in the war was misguided at best, and something far more evil at worst.

Their trip also allowed Obi-Wan to continue working with Bail and Padme on finding ways to help Mandalore quietly. They no longer the the backing of the Senate given Mandalore's desire to remain neutral. The Grand Army would not be welcome planet side either. It was separate of their professional duties as Senators and Jedi, however, it felt worthy of undertaking.

Obi-Wan worried about Death Watch's continual threat of the neutrality of the system. Anakin had a troubling vision of Darth Maul ruling Mandalore, and Satine dying in Obi-Wan's eyes. The Force whispered of warnings of what could become the very undoing of Obi-Wan Kenobi, and Anakin foresaw his role in that undoing. He brought his fears to Obi-Wan who mediated with him. The future is always in movement, flexible, bending, moving. 

There was a consensus among the friends and allies of Satine Kyrze that there was something not quite right with Papaltine. The Senate's proclaimed victories of the Clone Wars did not align with Padme's sources, Obi-Wan and Anakin's accounts nor with the Council reports. No one could put their finger on who, but it felt like the War was a manipulative plot of something far more insidious. 

When Anakin brought the vision forward to the Council, they felt it a warning. It very much upset. There was a desire, especially from Obi-Wan that they request traveling to Mandalore and provided protection to the Duchess. However, the Duchess and Obi-Wan were not on speaking terms at the moment. Padme offered on their behalf to travel to Mandalore, and discuss things further with Satine. While such involvement of the Jedi would angered Satine, the stability of her government threatened, and the threat of Darth Maul's involvement weighty. Anakin made a good point Darth Maul would use Satine as a ploy to try Obi-Wan into a trap. Their presences may deter future conflicts. 

Obi-Wan felt it was quite likely Satine would turn down Jedi protection, even if it came with much needed aid, negotiated by Padme and other Senate allies. Whilst the Republic turned their back on the Mandalore system, not all their friends and allies had. Naboo and Alderaan in particular, offered whatever they could spare to the Duchness and her administration. Nor could the Jedi Master blame her for turning down their help. She had fought an incredible fight to keep her people safe, and doesn't need Obi-Wan to sweep in to save her like a damsel in distress, as much as it hurts him to admit it. 

Obi-Wan’s men were thrilled to see him again. Cody in particular grew very protective of the Jedi Master. The clones were known to bring the General tea, meds, snacks and even a blanket. Cody began searching for any twinge of discomfort. They were relived to have their General back. Obi-Wan's mood seemed much happier since returning to work, even in limited capacity. 

* * *

Obi-Wan continued to see his Mind healer, and meet his new healer, physical therapist, Conrad Hickney, a retired Jedi Master with an incredible gift for healing. Conrad had studied the healing Martial Arts and combined them with Jedi tradition. The Council expected Obi-Wan to continue to receive care while he was in the field. And Obi-Wan was much happier to be back on light duty, and reunited with his men. 

  
Obi-Wan dressed in thin medical robes, laying face down on the exam table. Conrad carefully traced from the crown of Obi-Wan’s head to the soles of his feet. When Conrad presses against a particular painful spot and worked out the tension in Obi-Wan’s spine, the Jedi Master wept. It was like an emotional release was unblocked.

  
Obi-Wan felt very embarrassed as Conrad placed a warm blanket around his shoulders. He gave the Jedi Master space, and sat away from the table as the sobs rattled the General's frame. 

  
  


A warm voice called out to Obi-Wan in the familiar affectionate tone of his Master, “ _I am always with you, little one_.”  
  


“ _Qui-Gon_?”

Obi-Wan cries as he is wrapped in the warmth and comfort of the Force.   
  


“ _What has you so bothered, padawan-mine?_ ”

_“I feel a storm raging within me, Master. Anakin has a vision of much darkness. Satins sent me away. I question whether I am fulfilling my moral obligation to the Code in this damned war.”,_ Obi-Wan nearly hyperventilates.   
  


_“What do your mediations tell you?”  
  
_

_“The Jedi Council was, maybe still is headed down a path of darkness. The Senate reeks of corruption, and lusts for war.”_

_”What can you do about it?”_

_“Expose the source of the conflict.“_ The Duchess was right about the war, senate and maybe even the Council , Obi-Wan thinks. Perhaps she knew what she was doing sending him away, as much as it hurts, Obi-Wan pondered. 

“ _Trust in the Force, Obi-Wan._ ”

“ _Oh, Master, please don’t go_.”   
  


_“I am within you, little one.”_

Obi-Wan gasps loudly as his sobs subside. He becomes aware of his chest heaving, and warm tear stained face. He’s still lying on the table.

“Sorry. I should’ve warned you. When we work out painful knots in your spine, it isn’t unusual for an emotional response to occur.”, Conrad apologized. 

”That felt truly awful.”, Obi-Wan wiped away his tears.

  
“Your chakras are blocked, Obi-Wan. And your body is out of alignment. Chiropractics, mediation and healing katras will help.”

“Will this help with pain?”

”I don’t know. But I know your mental anguish is just as pressing as chronic pain.”

”What’s wrong with me?”

“Kenobi, look at me.”, Conrad said gently, “Whether we achieve total relief of pain or not, I believe you can benefit from my help if you only trust me.”

"I’ll try.”

”Your headaches are a lifelong problem, worsened by Zigoola. The pain in your side is a residue wound from a severed Force bond. Your knee injury from fighting Darth Maul on Naboo. Your injuries are both physical, emotional and spiritual.”, Conrad explained.   
  


“And meditative breathing helps me how?”

”Your heart chakra is blocked. We’re going to take care of your soul, not just your body.”

”Where do we begin?”

”First, we learn to breathe.”

Obi-Wan and Conrad settle into the mediation cushions. Their breathing synchronize as they follow the first four part breath prayer the Jedi taught them in the Crèche. They find each other in the Force. Conrad notices how Obi-Wan’s infinite sadness burns with the brightness of the Force.


	16. Healing

Obi-Wan found in coming week, his pain didn’t entirely disappear. He still had headaches. His knee acted up when the weather changed. His side still aches, and spasmed with phantom pain.   
  


He began learning new Tai Che poses, and healing katas. His joints felt supple, flexible and strong. His body more agile and limber.

Sessions with the Mind Healer helped him feel more centered. He didn’t feel so alone with his people rallied behind him.   
  
  


He was working in his office when Satine called, the first time they had spoken to each other in weeks.   
  


“We need to talk, Obi-Wan. ”, Satine cut straight to the point. 

“Whatever about? Your Highness.”, Obi-Wan’s voice was devoid of any affection or pet names. He was professional.

”I hear you’re organize quite the aid package for Mandalore.”

”Yes, we have supplies, food, medicine and reinforcements should Mandolore call on her friends for assistance. “  
  


“Will you be leading the Resistance, _General Kenobi_?”, Satine teased. 

”No, that would be Senators Amidala and Bail Organa.“

  
”What of your role?”

”A friend of the Resistance. The Jedi must not be the ones to lead the Charge.”

”My, my, how the tables have turned, darling?”  
  


“I humbly offer myself as a servant of Mandalore and her people.   
  


“I thank the Force for you, my beautiful Jedi Knight.”  
  


“You were right.”, Obi-Wan admitted dejectedly. 

“About?”

It’s foolish to dream of marriage and family when we have a war going on.”  
  


“Darling, I was a little harsh. I never want to hurt you.”, Satine softened.

“I should never have asked you to sacrifice duty at a time like this.”

“When the war is won, your place may be of your choosing.”, Satine compromised. 

“And if I wish to be at your side?”, Obi-Wan asked, testing her. 

”Then I will not deny you again.”, Satine whispered. 

  
“Satine, I miss you.”

”Oh, how I miss you. Darling, I must tell you something.”

”Anything, love.”

”We have a son, Obi-Wan.”

”E-Excuse me?” Obi-Wan was shocked and hurt.

”His name is Korkie. He’s a handsome, brilliant young man with warrior’s spirit and gift for governance.”

”Oh wow.”

”To keep us all safe, I withheld information. He doesn’t even _know_.”

”You can’t keep making decisions for me.”, Obi-Wan did not sound mad, just frustrated as he pinched his nose.

”I know, darling. You’re so right.”

  
“I understand why you try to protect me, honoring our previous commitments.” _I cannot live with my foot into two doors._

“You have no obligation to us.”

”I am your husband, and his father. We are family. ”

”We made a marriage pact as naive younglings.”

”I don’t believe for a second that’s how you really feel.”

”Jedi have no attachments. You aren’t allowed to be a husband and a father. I don’t expect you to _understand_.”

”Satine, I’ve been a parent since I was 23 and began raising Anakin.”

“Love is for children, Ben.”

”It doesn’t have to be.”

”We don’t work.”, Satine whispered.   
  


“Then stop loving me.”

”I-I can’t.”

”Then let me in.”  
  


“What if it doesn’t work?”

”It is better to have loved you, then not at all.”

Satine and Obi-Wan let the weight of this moment sit between them. They just sit together for a moment, Satine is the first to break to silence.

”I hear you want to come to Mandalore with the 212th and 501th.”

”As enforcement. It’s dangerous that Maul and Death Watch are working together.”

”I will not allow the GRA to occupy Mandalore.”

”We would not come allow. Our Rebel allies would join us. And our forces default to your royal guard.”

”Would you aid Mandalore and default to our administration?”

”Yes, Your Highness. We only mean to bring protection and much needed aid. If Mandolore fell to the Separatists it would be devastating.”

”I must talk with the Council before any decisions are made.”

”Understood, M’Lady.”

”I was wrong about you.”, Satine said quietly.

”What do you mean?”

”You are not a war hungry general, Obi. The Negotiator fights more with his words and strategy than lightsabers and blasters.”

”I try to prevent skirmishes, M’Lady. I am not often successful.”

”You hate to lose, my _Jetti_.”

  
Obi-Wan and Satine part ways, and for the first in weeks Obi-Wan can breathe. He seeks out the comfort of the royal gardens and mediates. **_I have a son._**

  
Anakin finds Obi-Wan in a trance, and late for dinner. He frowns, seeing his friend so deeply one with the Force. Obi-Wan must’ve felt emotional to be pouring himself into the Force.

He sits beside his friend, and waits until his friend, his Master returns to the present.

”Anakin?”, Obi-Wan asks softly.   
  


“Hi, Obi-Wan. Are you okay?”

”I spoke with Satine.”  
  


“How did that go?”

”She apologized.”

”Oh. That’s good, right?”

”I suppose so.”, Obi-Wan sighs.

”There is something you aren’t telling me.”

”I have a son.”

”Oh wow.”

”He’s fourteen.”

”How do you feel, Master?”

”Bittersweet. I have so much lost time to make up for.”

”Why don’t we talk about it after dinner ? “

  
”I’d like that.”, Obi-Wan lets Anakin help him up. The pair walks down the hall to the dinning room. Obi-Wan decides to lets Anakin in. Talia would be very proud of him. 


	17. Healing

Obi-Wan seemed lighter, more rested, calm and together. Sessions with Talia and Conrad made significant difference. He still had panic attacks, nightmares , headaches and pain, probably always would. The terrible things that happened to the Jedi Master had lifelong consequences.For once, he felt prepared to deal with them. Obi-Wan learned new tools: breathing patterns, exercises, and grounding techniques.

With Conrad’s help, Obi-Wan adapted his Soresu form to compensate for his chronic injuries. They continued to work through mediation, chiropractics, yoga, and message. While none of these components of Obi-Wan’s treatment made his pain disappear, he found along with pain medicine, his pain was manage most days. He still had occasional, painful flares up that felt him bedridden. He would continue to be a formidable warrior on the battlefield, chronic pain or not. 

The Jedi Master had several successful sessions with Talia to talk through a few of his difficult memories. He found he carried a lot of guilt over Qui’s death, and new anxiety about Maul threatening Satine. He felt as if he failed them both for not killing Maul the first time. Obi-Wan and Talia worked release his feelings into the Force after naming, acknowledging and working through them.  
  


It was important for Obi-Wan to talk to the people he loves. He began keeping a journal. The Jedi Master also made efforts to apologize to Satine, Qui-Gon, and his Padawans for the way he hurt them. Obi-Wan sincerely wanted to talk about the Rako Hardeen mission. There were things about Zigoola he hadn't told anyone expect Rex and Talia. The war had hardened Obi-Wan, stripped him of his very soul. While he wasn't sure if he'd never get past some of the ghosts in his mind, Obi-Wan wanted to learn to live with them. 

The one thing he hadn't known to bring to Talia is his recent nightmares. He's always had "bad feelings" about things, not always visions, or dreams. Sometimes just premonitions or gut feelings about things. He dreams of horrible things of Mandalore's destruction, of fighting Maul, of Satine dying in his arms. "Your emotions betray you. Your fear, and yes, your anger.", Maul taunts. It had been sometime since Obi-Wan felt the shivers of the Dark SIde taunt and tease him so openly. 

It awoke him before his session with Talia, the terror of the nightmare that seized his entire body. Obi-Wan felt as small, and helpless as a child, trembling with fear. There was no Master Jinn to wipe away his tears and hold him close. No Satine to press gentle kisses against his forehead. He didn't bring it up in session, afraid of speaking the words to another.

Obi-Wan tried to mediate, and release into the Force. The future is always in motion, constantly changing, a living force in flux. Yet it was a small comfort as he watched the life of his life dying in his arms, even if was just a nightmare. 

Obi-Wan didn't mention the nightmare to Talia or Conrad. He went to therapy, took his pain and anti-anxiety meds. The Jedi Master worked through a difficult session beautifully, though Talia knew he was holding back.

Conrad had noticed his distraction as they moved through a familiar Tai Chie pose. Both healers noticed his willingness to work hard, mastering the work, and making strides, yet he was holding back. 

  
Everyone who ever taught Obi-Wan Kenobi had a moment when they realized how incredibly intelligent, strategic, sassy, and witty he is. The poster child of the Jedi Order, yet he holds himself back from reaching his fullest potential, doubt, anger, emotion, guilt. 

It was hard to feel like they've come so far in just a few weeks when Obi-Wan returns to the same patterns of self-doubt and hyper impressionability. Obi-Wan sighs, he knows Maul was right.

A terrible realization crosses the Jedi Master's mind, perhaps Darth Maul is one of the new people in the person who sees through the Kenobi bullshit and names the truth. There is a dark part of Obi-Wan that wants to hate Maul, but instead he feels an implicit connection to him.

He understands Maul, how easily one can be tempted by the dark. And yes, if Satine truly does die, then he will have to let her go. It hurts him deeply, but he cannot allow himself to be afraid, to dwell on something that may or may not happen. 

Despite all his bravery, Obi-Wan thinks to himself he is truly a coward. He couldn't save Qui-Gon. He couldn't kill Maul like he should've as a Padawan. He can't tell Satine how he truly feels. He's a terrible Master whose hurt Anakin and Ahsoka so many times. 

He is far from perfect, he struggles with his emotions and attachments. Obi-Wan is only hard on Anakin because he knows exactly how badly it will hurt in the end. 

* * *

Anakin and Ahsoka went looking for Obi-Wan when he didn’t show up for a morning strategy meeting. The Padawans knew he had a early session with Talia and Conrad. It wasn’t like Obi-Wan to skip on his duties, especially a breakfast meeting with Bail. They find him in the royal gardens, his eyes are closed, light saber clasped between his hands. He's wearing his light outer tunic and leggings. His socks, boots and cloak sat aside folded messily, unlike Obi-Wan to leave things in a heap. 

Anakin’s breath is taken away as they watch Obi-Wan move. Ahsoka glances at the wordless, exasperated state of her Master. She knows Obi-Wan is known as the Master of Soresu, and she can see why the Form as become an extension of his body. The Force surrounds their Master like a gentle, rain, moving and vibrating in gentle pulsations. He burns with the warmth of sunshine and the Force. Obi-Wan Kenobi, Beloved Child of the Force is glowing. He looks like an angel, Ahsoka thinks to herself. The Jedi Master moves gently from one pose to another, allowing his bare feet to connect with the ground. With his eyes closed, he grounds himself in the Force, feeling pulse and location of all living things.

Obi-Wan knows they are there, but he is too deeply one with the Force to care. His mind is clear, concentration is solely on his graceful movement from pose to pose. He practices the movements he'll destroy Darth Maul with. It is a kindness to finally end his opponent's suffering once and for all. He understands Maul's desire to be accepted and loved by his Master, an impossible, foolish pursuit the Jedi Master knows too well. They are like two sides of the same coin, although, Obi-Wan knows with clarity, he will not be given the tender mercy of a warrior's death. His destiny is one of infinite sadness, and Obi-Wan has accepted his fate. 

When Obi-Wan finishes the fighting stance, he falls to his knees tired. He laughs, a few months ago he wouldn't have had the energy for such an advancement fighting sequence. His tunic is soaking wet, as the sweat sticks to him. His Padawans look at him like he's lost his mind. The Jedi Master lies in a heap of limbs against the warm Duracrete walk way. Anakin helps him into a sitting position. 

"Have you lost your mind, Master?", Ahsoka asked, mischief booming in her eyes.

"I am one with the Force, young one." 

  
"Your childhood friends said you used to laugh more. I didn't believe them. I can see it now.", Anakin smiled softly, seeing the joy in Obi-Wan's eyes was welcome change. 

"Ah, things _happened_." 

"Why did you disappear, Obi-Wan?", Anakin asked. 

"Oh, blast, I missed breakfast.", Obi-Wan berated himself mentally forgetting. 

"Are you okay, Obi?", Ahsoka asked. 

"I'm _fine._ "

"Then why where you late?"

"I forgot."

"That's unlike you." 

Obi-Wan swallowed thickly, he pulled his socks and boots back on. Anakin gave him a hand back onto his feet. The Jedi Master paused, carefully what he would tell his young padawans. They settled under a tree with a large wooden bench. The trio sat there together, not pushing for more, afraid of spooking Obi-Wan. 

"I had a vision." 

"What kind of vision, Obi-Wan?", Anakin asked softly. 

"I-I saw Satine die." 

"Oh, Master. I'm so sorry." 

"I don't want to dwell on something that may or may not ever happen. The future is always in flux, dear ones." 

"It has you shaken." 

"Yes. Well, I'd like to be at Satine's side, offering our aid and protection. However, I'm not if she'll be inclined to allow it." 

"You missed the Council summoning at breakfast."

"Shit."

"The Council understands you had a difficult morning, and send your regrets.", Anakin shrugged. 

"What did they want?"

"We're to leave for Mandalore in three days time."

"Does the Senate know?"

"No, they think you're on a peace keeping mission on the Outer Rim." 

  
"The Council lied to the Senate?", Obi-Wan sounded confused. 

"They decided it's time to reconsider how tightly woven the Senate and Council have become. The Council is investigating the Senate. We fear the Sith may be manipulating both sides of the war."

"Oh.", Obi-Wan swallows thickly.

Obi-Wan spends part of the morning mediating with Anakin and Ahsoka. He quietly thinks he'd have better luck in the creche with the babies than with these two. He can feel them poking at each other with the Force, and scowls with disapproval before poking back at them. Embarrassed the Padawan and Knight knock it off, long enough to give Obi-Wan a few moments of blessed peace before they begin again. A quiet, warm voice laughs through the ripples of the Force, "That's called payback, Padawan-mine.", Force Ghost Qui-Gon laughs heartily. 

_"I hate you all.", Obi-Wan scowls._

_"You don't.", Qui-Gon, Ahsoka, and Anakin nearly answer in unison._


	18. Attachment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 1 of 2
> 
> Obi-Wan avoids Satine.

Anakin and Ahsoka noticed how nervous Obi-Wan seemed on the week long journey through hyper space. It appears he isn’t sleeping again, probably due to the recent nightmares. He’s taken to sleeping during the day time. Obi-Wan is still asleep when they arrive on Mandalore. Anakin carries his sleepy master over his shoulder and places him in the speeder awaiting their journey into the capital. 

”How has he been?”, Satine asks quietly, concern in her eyes.   
  


“He was pretty heartbroken, Duchess. It took a lot to put Obi-Wan back together again."

”He must not be sleeping again.”, she frowned. 

”Nightmares. Visions. I don’t know. Poor guy keeps seeing you die over and over again on his sleep.”

”No wonder he wanted to be on Mandalore.”, Satine whispered.   
  


Satine cradled his head against her shoulder while they took the speeder to the palace. Obi-Wan snuggled deeper into her warmth, he looked content. he didn't wake until they arrived at the palace. 

"Satine?"

"Hi darling, you fell asleep."

"We're on Mandalore?"

"That's right."

Obi-Wan gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead, "Missed you." He was too sleepy, and too relaxed to care who saw.

"I missed you too."

* * *

Obi-Wan was assigned to over see the Duchness' security team. He coordinate with the Captain of the Guard a rotating list of soldiers for patrol duty. Ahsoka was assigned to continue teaching at the Academy, helping to quietly oversee Korkie's safety. She and Obi-Wan deployed clothespain officers on site. Ahsoka was with Obi-Wan when he caught sight of Korkie for the first time. His breath quickened, "Is that him?"

"That's Korkie. He reminds me of you, Master.", the Padawan learner laughs softly.

"Wow. He looks so much like Satine and I."

"He's an incredible young man, always looking for trouble."

Obi-wan sighed, "Of course."

"We'll keep him safe." 

Once Obi-Wan felt confident things at the academy were secure, he left Ahsoka and Cody in charge. He dropped by to check in with Anakin who was running traffic blockades and border security with Rex. No one or thing was getting planet side without their knowledge, Obi-Wan would do whatever he could within his power to keep Mandalore safe. He was quiet, but offered a few sarcastic remarks. Anakin knew there was something else on his mind and did not push it.

Despite being the head of security, Satine did not see a lot of Obi-Wan. She knew he was avoiding being alone with her. He kept his distance, busying himself with mediation, therapy, and sessions with Conrad. He oversaw shift changes, checked on his soldiers, taught Ahsoka new katras, and enjoyed tea with Anakin. Obi-Wan threw himself into a new routine, memorizing Satine's schedule and adjusting his to prevent overlap. 

About the time Satine had gotten to the bottom of Obi-Wan's very complex plan of avoidance, Anakin approached her reluctantly. Naturally, Anakin felt very protective of Obi-Wan given his master's health, but he knew Obi-Wan's quiet, anxious fidgety presence was tied to his unresolved feelings towards Satine. He wasn't sure if Obi-Wan avoided Satine out of still feeling hurt or if he was purposely distancing himself because of the visions. Satine had come to similar conclusions as Anakin.

Satine and Anakin meet secretly in the royal gardens to discuss their concerns about Obi-Wan. They both knew that Obi-Wan would eventually find out they met. There is every little that gets past the Jedi Master and Head of Security. Kenobi will probably be mad at them both for conspiring against him and teaming up on him. Obi-Wan hates the idea of Anakin and Satine being in the same room for those exact reasons. 

"Duchess."

"Skywalker." 

"Tell me, why did you agree to meet with me, Anakin?", Satine asked.

"Obi-Wan avoids you the plague, and honestly. I'm over it. You're married, you have a kid together. The attachment is there, might as well accept it.", Anakin shrugged. 

"I have a feeling Ben is distancing himself because of whatever bad feeling he's been having lately. By maintaining distance, he can minimize the hurt he may experience later."

"Ugh, I hate when he does that." 

"Me too. What are we going to do about it?" 

"I wish I knew. Satine, you don't think he'd put himself in harm's way to protect you and Korkie do you?"

"Actually, I am afraid he would."

"He's such a self sacrificing moron."

"Ben always has been, even as a youngling." 

"Would you tell me about what he was like when he was younger?", Anakin's eyes spark with excitement, a desire to know more about his Master.

"Of course. Take my arm, we'll go for a walk." 

Satine and Anakin walk around the garden, they begin plotting how to disrupt Obi-Wan's self-imposed exile from his wife and child. If anyone can get to the bottom of how Obi-Wan Kenobi thinks it's these two. They begin planning an intervention, consulting others to devise a plan that even the _Negotiator_ can't talk his way out of.


	19. Attachment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of 3
> 
> I actually wrote this arc in 3 chapters instead of two.
> 
> I'm walking uphill both ways, it hurts  
> I bury my heart here in this dirt  
> I hope it's a seed, I hope it works  
> I need to grow, here I could be  
> Closer to light, closer to me  
> I don't have to do this perfectly, yeah
> 
> \- Courage, Pink

Satine and Anakin studied Obi-Wan’s schedule, his behavior and patterns. His days follow a predictable pattern of therapy, followed by a session with Conrad and morning meditation.He joins Ahsoka for breakfast. They often train together. From a distance, the General checks on Korkie from a distance, never giving himself away. Satine smiled softly at that, Obi-Wan has such a sense of pride and affection for the boy he has not yet gotten to know as his son.  
  


Obi-Wan always oversees the morning, afternoon and evening shift changes. After the morning swift change, he meets with Rex and Anakin. For lunch, The Jedi Master takes a standing meeting with Council members and Senators. He works so hard to end the war. The Jedi Master runs himself ragged trying to do what he can do to help. He wants to turn the tide, be able to take his padawans home and give them a world without war. Anakin hasn’t realized _just_ how deeply Obi-Wan cared for him and Ahsoka. 

Sometimes if Obi-Wan doesn’t have a meeting, he talks with Qui-Gon. On these occasions, Obi-Wan laughs and is much lighter. Having Qui-Gon in his life, even as a Force Ghost brings him much needed comfort. Obi-Wan’s afternoons vary based on responsibilities and tasks for the day. But he usually finishes around 3:00 pm for tea time and works through a set of katas with his ‘saber. Satine has never seen him so focused, preparing for a fight he knows is coming. 

He fights until his clothes are drenched with sweat and his limbs shake from exhaustion. There is both a sense of shared pride and concern as Satine and Anakin observed this. Pride in knowing, Obi-Wan has fought so hard to retrain his body to be in prime condition. Concern in knowing Obi-Wan is so afraid of what may come he's prepared to fight for his life.

Obi-Wan always showers and changes clothes before taking dinner with the household. It takes them nearly a week to study Obi-Wan and devise a plan.They identify dinner as an effective time to spring on Obi-Wan. It is when he is most relaxed, and flexible. 

* * *

At dinner, Obi-Wan is expecting to join Anakin, Ahsoka, Satine, and sometimes, Korkie. He is most surprised to find just Satine. _Oh, Anakin, you bastard_ , The Jedi Master thinks to himself. He knows it's trap, and begins trying to identify an exit. Satine, however senses his panic and reaches out to touch his hand. He offers her a soft, bashful smile, Obi-Wan is not sure what to do.

Part of him wants to run away, but that would be incredibly rude. He loses the entire battle going on in his head, and decides to remain seated, despite how uncomfortable he is.

“Are the others joining us?”, Obi-Wan asks nervously.

”I though we’d share a meal, just you and me.”

"You should've consulted me first." 

"I didn't realize I had to schedule appointments with my _husband._ " 

"It appears to be we are only married when it is convenient for you."

Ouch, Satine winced. Her husband sure has a way with words. Obi-Wan is guarded, deflecting her every move with a witty, sarcastic reply. The duchess knows they've begun a game of chess. She just hates to think they're fighting for the very sake of Obi-Wan's battered, bruised soul. God, this awful war takes and it takes, chipping away at Obi-Wan. Satine worries the Council, the Republic, the galaxy, will take everything from him.

she wonder if she took a misstep denying him the option to step away. Would there be a man left when the war ended. _If the War ended._ It takes everything within Satine to place duty first, and not run away to a corner of the galaxy the war hasn’t touched. The Duchess feels a fierce need to protect Obi-Wan Kenobi. She knows she’s partly responsible for the pain he’s in know. It kills part of her to know that. Throughout dinner Satine studies his body language, looking for an opening. It isn’t till dessert she finds her opportunity to disarm him. 

“Bread pudding from Stewjon? It’s certain not my birthday. What’s the occasion?”  
  


“I'm so proud of you, Obi-Wan. You've come so far in your healing."

"Oh, thank you.", his cheeks were flushed red with embarrassment.

They quietly enjoy their dessert. Obi-Wan for a moment seems to relax, and enjoy his desert. Satine knows as soon as she opens her mouth she'll run his peaceful moment. She let him cherish a small joy of having a favorite dessert. She waits until they're both finished before speaking.

"Darling, let me in." _You can't continue to keep me at arm's length. It'll destroy you._

"It will hurt too much, Satine." _When one of us dies at the hands of Maul._

"Anakin told me you are having premonitions." 

"The future is always in motion, a living force of change and flux. Nothing is set in stone." 

"Then why do you look like a grieving man whose had a brush too close with death, Ben?"

"I don't want to _talk_ about it."

”This isn’t heavy, Ben. You can’t carry this all by yourself.”

She watches a flash of pain on his face. Obi-Wan grimaces holding his head in his hand. He can’t form any sentences. The Jedi Master just moans in pain. He gags, fighting waves of nausea.It's horrific to watch him live through the same traumatic memory over and over again. When the moment passes Obi-Wan pales, trying not to vomit. His body doesn’t have the strength to keep him upright.  
  


The Jedi Master’s pulse is thready. He acts like his chest hurts. Satine hopes it’s a panic attack rather than something far more insidious. Kenobi nearly falls out of his chair as his limbs flail. Satine catches him in time, cradling his weak, trauma stricken form. The duchess comms for a medic. Obi-Wan has ended up in the medbay far too often as of late. So much for their plan, the Duchess sighs. _  
_


	20. Attachment

It’s six miserable hours before Obi-Wan wakes from the healing trace. He continued to experience aftershocks of emotions after the premonition faded. Anakin and Satine kept vigil at his beside, sitting on either side. Talia has been in to see him, examining the state of his shields. It terrifies her to find them pulled tightly, booby traps, spikes, fences, and decoys woven together to keep others out.

It is incredibly painful to try and gauge his mental anguish. She frowns, knowing yesterday morning he had let them down, invited her in to his mind. Now, she can't even approach his shields. Talia has a a sinking suspicion he’s been working on rebuilding and fortifying his shields for weeks now.It's clear to Talia, Obi-Wan has been keeping things to himself. They hadn't discussed his recent concerns in any sessions. Conrad feels equally troubled, they had made so much progress to open Obi-Wan's chakras, while they're open, he finds the heart chakra leaking and overwhelmed. It's having damning ramifications on his mental and spiritual health. Although, Obi-Wan's pain levels have been very well controlled with medication. 

When Obi-Wan feels his head has been stuffed full of cotton. His mouth is dry, and he feels the tale tell pull of the needle on his arm. It must’ve been pretty bad if he needed supplemental oxygen and an IV. His entire body aches with a warm, ache like he's slept wrong. Something is very, very wrong, Obi-Wan thinks to himself. God, what happened? It must've been bad if he's back in the medbay.   
  


“W-What happened?”, Obi-Wan’s voice croaked.   
  


“You passed out after having a pretty nasty premonition." 

"Ugh." 

Anakin anticipates his Master’s needs and pours a cup of water. He helps his Master sit up and take a few slips. Obi-Wan realizes he's wearing nothing more than a pair of warm socks, joggers and a zip up hoodie. He tries to take in his surroundings, Satine and Anakin are both at his bedside. It's bad if they're both at his side, he thinks to himself. He tries to ignore them, turning his side and turning into a ball. He grumbles when Satine takes his IV free hand and holds it. 

"You can't get outrunning us. We've got you cornered, Ben.", Satine said quietly. 

  
"I don't want to _talk_ about it."

"You don't have a choice, Master." 

Obi-Wan’s frustration gets the best of him, ”Fuck off.” He curls tighter into a ball, and pulls the blanket over his head.  
  


“Very mature, Obi-Wan.”, Anakin sighed.   
  


The Jedi Master is so tired of fighting, of running, keeping secrets. The exhaustion and anxiety of being in the medbay wear him down. Sobs begin to rack his form, Satine rubs comforting circles on his back, Anakin projections calm, affection and peace into the room.

_  
We’ve got you. Stop fighting, Master._

_It will destroy us. Let me carry it alone._

_We aren’t leaving you. Let us in.  
_

Obi-Wan’s liptrembles. _Afraid_ , he shuddering at the idea of telling the truth. Kenobi loses the internal war in his head, and opens the floodgate of feelings he held back. It takes everything Anakin has within him to met him with a soothing force presence. He can see into Obi-Wan’s mind, these are no longer any secrets. Anakin takes a steadying breath, releasing his emotions into the Force. They find each other's force signature, clinging to one another. Obi-Wan follows Anakin's four part breath patterns, their minds sync.  
  


Anakin's eyes fill with tears, he holds Obi-Wan's hand fiercely tight, sending reassurance, love and affection. He feels a fraction of the brokenness and loneliness Obi-Wan has carried since Zigoola. He had no idea how fragile Obi-Wan felt, how deeply the Rako Hardeen mission shattered him. The overwhelming sense of guilt and despair, the sadness, the grief for each and every loss they've endured since the war began. Obi-Wan's compassion and awareness of other's suffering is so deep, like an overflowing flood of water.

The suicidal recklessness. The heartache. The longing to join Qui-Gon in the Force. The concern for Anakin and Ahsoka. His regret for not seeking Satine's companionship earlier. There is also fear. Obi-Wan worries about the visions Anakin had about the future. Obi-Wan is afraid of failing Anakin, of loosing him to the Dark Side. A sense of panic and dread knowing Obi-Wan will fight Maul. No wonder Obi-Wan is leaking Force energy, his shields are under immense pressure to keep his thoughts and feelings carefully contained. He's so afraid of attachment, of his feelings, he's kept them shoved down, ignoring them until they fester and become too much.

Obi-Wan weeps openly as Anakin helps him channel his emotions into the Force. It feels like an eternity until the overwhelming flood of emotions trickles into droplets. They both collapse on the hospital bed, lying nearly forehead to forehead. The Jedi Master's body goes limp like a rag doll, exhaustion spreads across his form. Anakin doesn't care, laying beside his Master. He knows Obi-Wan desperately needs the tactile contact. Satine undoes the hospital bed's railing and pushes another next to Obi-Wan's bed. She settles on the opposite of Anakin, putting Obi-Wan between them. They hold him close.

_We've got you._

_Thank you, Ani._

_You don't have to do this alone, you know?_

_Forgive me. I'm stubborn._

_You haven't done anything wrong._

_I failed you, Anakin._

_You have not, and you will not fail me._

"I love you always, darling. You are safe. Rest.", Satine whispers into Obi-Wan's ear, kissing the back of his neck. He melts into her warm kisses.

"Don't leave me, Satine.", Obi-Wan pleaded. 

"Never. We're not going anywhere."

Obi-Wan closes his eyes, settling between Anakin and Satine. They hold him, and Anakin uses Force Suggestion to help Obi-Wan sleep. Satine and Anakin ward off any nightmares, making sure he feels secure, comforted and love. They will not leave him alone in the Medbay, and they'll fight anyone who suggests they leave. It probably isn't proper of a Jedi Knight and Duchness to cuddle a struggling friend, but they could care less. Obi-Wan Kenobi needs a kirffing hug, and by Force, they'll make sure he gets a hug.


	21. Grounded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-Wan has a much needed overdue talk with Ahsoka and Anakin.
> 
> Part 1 of 2

Obi-Wan spent several days in the medbay. Talia helped guide him through mediation, and talk through the worst of the premonitions. She helped him to name, acknowledge and process his emotions.

Conrad continued their practice of chiropractics, acupuncture, breathing and Tai-Chi. They worked to continue to heal his leaky heart chakra. When Obi-Wan left, his mental anguish was tolerable.   
  


At Satine’s instance, Obi-Wan stayed in her quarters. It was quiet. Obi-Wan was tucked into bed with a holo novel in hand. Satine worked on her datapad, quietly leading Mandalore from the comfort of her desk. They took meals together, went on walks, made love, and simply co-existed.

The duchess sat at his side when he mediated. They spared, he taught her self-defense. He practiced his katas. It felt normal, as normal as their lives can be.   
  


It scared Satine to know she had missed so many signs that her husband wasn’t okay. He had been so afraid of bleeding on some else. His chakras hemorrhaged while no one noticed because Obi-Wan didn’t let even his medical team close enough. The Duchness thought they got past the hiding, the shame, the self-sacrificing. 

Satine gave him privacy to rest and recover away from prying eyes. Once she felt he was steady, the Duchess invited Anakin and Ahsoka by. Anakin had been the only other soul to see Obi-Wan at his most vulnerable these last few days. Ahsoka worried about her Grand Master. It would do them much good to be reunited.   
  


“May we come in?”, Anakin asked knocking at the door.

”Of course, Ani.” Obi-Wan called back gently. 

The Padawans take in the unfamiliar site of their Master in a pair of sleep pants and a dressing robe, cream satin robe, a lavish gift from Satine. Obi-Wan looked cozy with a blanket draped over his lab.   
  


Anakin anxious, needing to reassure himself looked Obi-Wan over for injuries. With permission, he opened the robe and searched Obi-Wan’s bare chest and torso for bruises, cuts and wounds.

”I’m okay, dear one.”, Obi-Wan catches Anakin’s wrist with his warm, callous hand.   
  


“I-I need reassurance.”, Anakin whispered.   
  


“Understandable.”   
  


“How are you feeling, Master Obi-Wan?”, Ahsoka asks unsure of her place here.   
  
  


“Better. I feel like I am on the mend, little one.”

”Don’t ever scare me like that again.”, Ahsoka’s voice cracks.   
  


“Come here. Both of _you_.”, Obi-Wan commands softly, patting a soft beside him. The Jedi Master wraps them in a hug, pressing a warm kiss against both of their foreheads. He radiates warmth and affection openly. 

“Can I ask you something, Obi-Wan?”, Ahsoka chewed her lip.

”Of course, little one.”

”What are you so afraid of?”

”Attachment.”, Obi-Wan whispered, “I’m afraid of letting myself be close to the people I care for.” _It hurts so much when they die._

  
“It’s not against the Code to have feelings.”, Anakin reminded.

”Correct. It is against the Code to allow your feelings to control you.”

”Well, I think the Code is full of poo doo.”, Ahsoka shrugged.

”Perhaps the problem lies on how we are taught to deal with our emotions.”, Obi-Wan suggests.

They spent the afternoon talking. Obi-Wan tells them about his worst fears: abandonment, failure, and attachment. Master Jinn and Padawan Kenobi’s rough beginning. _Dishonor_.Being nearly sent to AgriCorps. _Failure_. Of almost not being chosen as a Padawan. Bandomeer. _His suicidal reckless._  
  


Melida/Daan.U _nworthiness._ Tahl‘s death. _Grief_. Xanatos. _Jealousy_.The wedge between Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon. _Doubt_. The wedge never fully healed either. A year with Satine. _Love. Affection. Regret._

As Obi-Wan predicted, his Master would always cast him aside. Qui-Gon cast him aside as soon as he found Anakin. _Rejection_ Then Qui-Gon died, and Obi-Wan fought Maul. _Grief. Anger. Failure._ He recalled the anger he felt and struggled with that first year. Obi-Wan shares a lot how much he struggled to find his way, barely a Knight himself, raising a nine year old.

The council never provided him with support. They chided him for his anger and passion, instead of offering a mind healer and emotional care. Obi-Wan became cold and closed off, afraid of ever opening his heart to another person ever again. He would become the perfect Jedi, and so could Anakin. Anakin would not inherit the Sins of his Master. 

  
  
  
The war. Zigoola. Losing men. Death. Loss. Grief. Rako Hardeen. Maul. The nightmare. The headaches. The chronic pain. His marriage. Korkie.There are no longer any secrets Obi-Wan is keeping from them. 

“I want you to know, I was and am only hard on you, because I _understand_ _,_ Ani.”, Obi-Wan had tears in his eyes.   
  


  
“I had no idea what you had been through. Oh, Obi-Wan, you just want wants best for us.”, Anakin whispered, hugging the older man. 

  
“We are not going to do things the same way any more. You hear me?”

”Yes, Master.”

  
Obi-Wan turns to Ahsoka, “I’m sorry, little one. I want a very different life for you, and Anakin both. No child should _ever_ fightin a war.”

  
He wasn’t expecting to be wrapped in a bone crushing hug. The teenager weeps pressing her face against her grandmaster’s shoulder, “Thank you for saying that.”

”You can always come to me.”

  
Tomorrow Obi-Wan would listen as they shared their thoughts freely just as they listened to him. He knew they still needed to talk further about the Rako Hardeen mission. 

The three of them laid in bed snuggling. It was so very much what Obi-Wan needed even if he didn’t know how to express his need with words. He got a lot of hugs and reassurance while he healed. The Jedi Master held his Padawans close. 

They stay like that for a while until everyone feels calmer. Obi-Wan reclines against the headboard. His Padawans on either side of him. They fell asleep nestled against Obi-Wan’s chest. Even Obi-Wan slept. Anakin, Ahsoka, and Obi-Wan got some much needed sleep.


	22. Grounded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s Obi-Wan’s turn to listen.

Obi-Wan meets them in the royal gardens. He’s already reclined in modified half lotus pose and his eyes are closed, centering himself with a prayer. Anakin almost doesn’t want to distrub him. The Jedi Master senses his hesitancy.

”Sit, dear one.”

”Yes, Master.”, the pair sighs. 

Anakin and Ahsoka take a sit beside Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan’s eyes are closed, but he’s listening. The Padawan-Knight duo match his breaths, trying to focus. It’s not easy for Anakin or Ahsoka to mediate, however, for Obi-Wan’s sake, they try.

”Just as you were willing to listen to what I had to say, I am willing to listen to what you have to say.”, Obi-Wan announced. 

”Do we _have_ to talk about our feelings?”, Ahsoka sighed.   
  


  
“It’s not good for us to keep things in.”, the Jedi Master reminds her. 

”I’ll go first, Snips.”, Anakin reassures.

”You don’t have to, Skyguy.”   
  


“I want to.”

Anakin confides in Obi-Wan and Ahsoka, telling them about the Sand People, his Mom, the visions, his jealousy. He’s not proud of him, but Skywalker once thought Kenobi was holding him back. He realizes how he was immature, selfish and arrogant he had been.   
  


Anakin feels a deep sense of hurt, afraid of disappointing Obi-Wan, of letting Ahsoka down. When he thought Obi-Wan was dead, Anakin had been very tempted by the dark side. He’s still afraid of his feelings and emotion, no matter how often Obi-Wan reminds him they’re trying a new way. Feelings aren’t a bad thing, it’s what we do with them that matters.

”Ever since I was a kid, there’s been this impossible expectation that I’m the one that’s gonna save the galaxy. Classmates. Professors. Councilors. Kids picking on me. Always getting yelled at. People thinking I’m dangerous. It _was-_ is exhausting.”, Anakin said in a soft, quiet voice.   
  


“I’m so sorry, Ani. I wish I could’ve done more to help you.”, Obi-Wan offered apologetically.

”I-I was afraid I could never meet your standards either.”

”Oh, dear one. I’m proud of you always. Anakin, despite the fact I am sixteen standard years your senior. We have grown into men together, forged by the loss of Qui-Gon and marched into war together. You are my best friend, equal, my partner, my brother.”

Anakin hugs Obi-Wan, pressing love, affection and reassurance through their bond. Obi-Wan doesn’t need words, Obi-Wan knows how deeply Anakin loves him. And Anakin knows how much Obi-Wan loves him.   
  


Ahsoka is quiet, taking a moment to gather her thoughts. It’s always been hard for her to open up and share her feelings. This is Skyguy and Obi-Wan, her family. She can trust them.   
  


“I-I don’t always feel like I have a place beside you. It’s always been Kenobi-Skywalker, never Kenobi-Skywalker-Tano.”

Both Anakin and Obi-Wan exhale as they continue listening, not wanting to interrupt.   
  
  


“I hate when you two fight. It destroys you both. Don’t make me pick between you, I’ll pick _me_ every time, you idiots.”, Ahsoka said with fondness, yet dead seriousness. 

  
  
Both Anakin and Obi-Wan nodded, squeezing her hands as she continued. 

“I-I still have nightmares holding Obi-Wan’s limp, lifeless form. I can’t forget the cold, lost look in Skyguy’s eyes. I lost you both that day. It was scary.” 

”Oh, little one.”, Obi-Wan brushes his own tears away. 

“What can we do to help, Snips?”

”I-I don’t know, Skyguy.”

Obi-Wan looked deep in thought, but he sent reassurance-love-affection through their bonds. He projected a warm, familial love the kind an of safety and guidance only the Eldest brother could provide.

“I want you to know I will never judge, abandon or turn you away, padawans. _Never.”  
  
_

They both knew the significance of his words. Hell, Obi-Wan has been ready on more than one occasion to walk out on the Jedi to protect them.  
  


Obi-Wan elected to hold them both, pressing a warm against their foreheads. He would remind them of his love everyday for the rest of his life. No one messes with Obi-Wan Kenobi’s family. In this family, we talk about our feelings and apologize when we hurt one another.


End file.
